1
00:01:20,239 --> 00:01:22,867
All things are intrinsically connected,

2
00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:25,308
no matter how different
they may appear.

3
00:01:25,344 --> 00:01:28,370
Hi. You know me... Robert Axle.

4
00:01:28,414 --> 00:01:31,178
As a fabricator, I bring existing,

5
00:01:31,217 --> 00:01:33,913
often very different items together,

6
00:01:33,953 --> 00:01:37,548
maximizing their atomic
and molecular potential,

7
00:01:37,590 --> 00:01:39,615
making ordinary inventions

8
00:01:39,658 --> 00:01:41,853
infinitely more prolific.

9
00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:52,336
Thank you very much.
We've got a big show today.

10
00:01:52,371 --> 00:01:54,362
I've got lots of new items
to tell you about.

11
00:01:54,407 --> 00:01:57,604
In fact, you all remember
the Robert Axle Light-O-Saurus.

12
00:01:57,643 --> 00:02:01,135
Part humidifier, part night light,

13
00:02:01,180 --> 00:02:05,082
the Light-O-Saurus connects
a child's need to feel safe at night

14
00:02:05,117 --> 00:02:07,608
with a parent's need
to keep them healthy.

15
00:02:07,653 --> 00:02:11,180
Then of course there was
the Robert Axle Pepper-Cam,

16
00:02:11,223 --> 00:02:14,158
enabling us to pepper-spray
our assailants

17
00:02:14,193 --> 00:02:17,162
and photograph them
at the same time.

18
00:02:20,499 --> 00:02:22,899
And now introducing

19
00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:26,029
my most inspired fabrication to date...

20
00:02:26,071 --> 00:02:28,733
the Robert Axle Ab Clicker.

21
00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:31,607
You can channel-surf,
watch your favorite programs,

22
00:02:31,644 --> 00:02:33,111
adjust the volume...

23
00:02:33,145 --> 00:02:35,477
all at the same time
that you are getting

24
00:02:35,514 --> 00:02:37,607
that six-pack of abs.

25
00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:40,244
You call the number right below
on the screen here...

26
00:02:40,286 --> 00:02:42,516
1-800-AXLES-ARMY.

27
00:02:42,555 --> 00:02:46,992
You'll get 10% off on the Robert Axle
revolutionary Ab Clicker!

28
00:02:49,061 --> 00:02:51,552
Thank you. Thank you for coming.
Thank you.

29
00:02:53,365 --> 00:02:57,028
Thank you. Thank you.

30
00:03:57,096 --> 00:03:59,792
17, 18, 19, 20.

31
00:04:04,303 --> 00:04:08,899
There's your change.

32
00:04:24,557 --> 00:04:29,085
Hey, Robert Axle!
I see you!

33
00:04:32,698 --> 00:04:36,634
Stupid Ab Clicker piece of crap!
Robert Axle!

34
00:04:39,505 --> 00:04:41,939
"Depraved indifference
to human life."

35
00:04:41,974 --> 00:04:44,499
What the hell
does that even mean?

36
00:04:44,543 --> 00:04:46,636
It means that people
are too lazy to do sit-ups

37
00:04:46,679 --> 00:04:48,670
so they stick their fingers
in places

38
00:04:48,714 --> 00:04:50,682
they shouldn't have stuck
their fingers.

39
00:04:50,716 --> 00:04:52,308
All right.

40
00:04:52,351 --> 00:04:54,876
The good news there, Bob...

41
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,218
I got you a job.
Family Mart...

42
00:04:57,256 --> 00:05:00,350
the fourth-largest discount
consumer retailer in the nation.

43
00:05:00,392 --> 00:05:03,054
The assistant general manager
is Troy Coangelo.

44
00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:04,995
You're to see him tomorrow
at 9:00 AM sharp.

45
00:05:05,030 --> 00:05:08,056
You do realize
that I built my own

46
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:11,467
$1.6 billion company
from scratch?

47
00:05:11,503 --> 00:05:13,698
You're still a felon, hmm?

48
00:05:13,739 --> 00:05:16,799
A felon who's had nothing
but eight years to brainstorm.

49
00:05:16,842 --> 00:05:20,471
And all I need is one good idea
that puts me right back on top.

50
00:05:20,512 --> 00:05:24,505
62% of ex-cons wind up back in prison
within five years.

51
00:05:24,550 --> 00:05:26,984
I just got out early
for good behavior.

52
00:05:27,019 --> 00:05:29,920
Could you let me enjoy that for two
minutes before you start your buzzkill?

53
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:34,358
Claire Elizabeth Axle...
that your daughter?

54
00:05:34,393 --> 00:05:35,553
Yes.

55
00:05:35,594 --> 00:05:37,357
And she knows you're gonna be
staying with her?

56
00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:40,490
Yes. And it's Claire Elizabeth now.

57
00:05:40,532 --> 00:05:42,227
Smart...

58
00:05:42,267 --> 00:05:45,202
dropped the name.

59
00:06:18,303 --> 00:06:20,294
There you go, sir.

60
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,330
Thanks.

61
00:06:53,605 --> 00:06:56,039
Daddy!

62
00:06:59,978 --> 00:07:01,707
Daddy.

63
00:07:02,748 --> 00:07:05,239
Daddy, it's perfect.

64
00:07:06,585 --> 00:07:08,849
- It's perfect. It's perfect.
- I'm so glad you like it.

65
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,946
- How did you know?
- How did I know?

66
00:07:10,989 --> 00:07:13,514
I'm your father. I'm supposed to know
what to get you for your birthday.

67
00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:16,892
I have an idea.
Will you ride with me?

68
00:07:16,929 --> 00:07:19,329
Honey, I can't right now.
I'm in the middle of doing some work.

69
00:07:19,364 --> 00:07:22,197
Come on, just one ride.
You have time for one ride, Dad.

70
00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:24,794
Honey, you know I'm not much
of a bike guy, all right?

71
00:07:24,837 --> 00:07:27,533
So you ride your bike and I'll come
and find you a little bit later.

72
00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:35,137
Go on, go on, go on.

73
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:39,741
Happy birthday, baby.

74
00:08:18,090 --> 00:08:20,115
I'm recording.

75
00:08:25,864 --> 00:08:29,561
Jesus Christ,

76
00:08:29,601 --> 00:08:31,592
you look like hell.

77
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,537
When did you start smoking?

78
00:08:33,572 --> 00:08:36,370
Around the same time you became
a total self-absorbed prick.

79
00:08:36,408 --> 00:08:40,003
You feel good frolicking around
with $362 million of my money?

80
00:08:40,045 --> 00:08:42,946
It's not your money.
It's half your money.

81
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:46,883
The rest went to the poor innocent
victims whose fingers you chipped off.

82
00:08:46,919 --> 00:08:49,911
You wouldn't have this house
or this life if it weren't for me.

83
00:08:49,955 --> 00:08:52,321
If you think Jerry and I
are gonna give you jackshit

84
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:55,121
after all you did
and did not do for me and Claire...

85
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,821
Whoa whoa, who's Jerry?

86
00:08:56,862 --> 00:08:58,955
Jerry King...
Lorraine's new husband

87
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:01,727
and a huge fan of yours.

88
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,636
Axle's Army?

89
00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:08,037
I'm a soldier.

90
00:09:08,073 --> 00:09:10,041
- Hey, baby.
- Hey, baby.

91
00:09:11,310 --> 00:09:13,301
Jerry's a forest ranger.

92
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,939
He protects the land from the people
and the people from the land.

93
00:09:15,981 --> 00:09:17,972
Well, that is such a coincidence,

94
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:21,452
'cause I made about $40 million
on the Robert Axle Swing 'n' Whack.

95
00:09:21,486 --> 00:09:23,511
Part weed-whacker,
part sand wedge.

96
00:09:23,555 --> 00:09:25,284
- Now you can...
- Trim your lawn

97
00:09:25,324 --> 00:09:27,588
and shots off your short game
with the same device.

98
00:09:27,626 --> 00:09:29,617
Yes, sir.

99
00:09:29,661 --> 00:09:32,858
So, Ranger Jerr,

100
00:09:32,898 --> 00:09:35,162
since you're the new
man of the house,

101
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,760
you think you could let me
crash here for a couple of nights?

102
00:09:37,803 --> 00:09:39,998
- Uh...
- Blow me.

103
00:09:41,573 --> 00:09:43,063
Sorry.

104
00:09:43,108 --> 00:09:46,202
Yeah, it's all right.
Just let me take my car and go.

105
00:09:46,245 --> 00:09:49,942
Can I have the keys, Lorraine?

106
00:09:51,149 --> 00:09:54,550
Don't tell me she gave you my car.
Did she give you my car?

107
00:09:54,586 --> 00:09:56,178
It was a birthday present.

108
00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,183
I could give you a ride.

109
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,215
Whee.

110
00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:04,195
I love this sweet bitch.

111
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:06,663
Oh baby.

112
00:10:06,698 --> 00:10:09,064
Come on, bring it to Daddy. Yeah.

113
00:10:09,101 --> 00:10:11,695
Hey, look,

114
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:15,229
your boy got you
a little mini storage, all right?

115
00:10:15,274 --> 00:10:17,640
It's on Fifth and Plymouth...

116
00:10:17,676 --> 00:10:19,200
some old prototypes,

117
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,474
Axle memorabilia,
personal effects and such.

118
00:10:21,513 --> 00:10:25,040
Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.

119
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:27,415
You're living in my house.
You're humping my ex.

120
00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:31,388
You're driving my car. And you
risk everything for my memorabilia?

121
00:10:31,423 --> 00:10:34,051
Do you know why most people
hate buzzards, Axle?

122
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,582
No, I don't.

123
00:10:35,627 --> 00:10:38,027
Because they feed
on carcasses...

124
00:10:38,063 --> 00:10:41,226
a fact that brings blame
for a killing

125
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,632
that they weren't even
responsible for.

126
00:10:44,736 --> 00:10:47,296
The buzzard
is unjustly persecuted.

127
00:10:50,976 --> 00:10:52,967
Right.

128
00:11:03,822 --> 00:11:05,756
Aww.

129
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:09,090
You guys, there's a homeless man
at the door.

130
00:11:11,596 --> 00:11:14,588
All I have is two ones and a 20.
Should I just give him the 20?

131
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:16,760
- We're not letting a nutjob in.
- We're not letting him in.

132
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,531
- I'm gonna slide it under the door.
- Guys, don't.

133
00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:21,767
Calm down. Just 'cause he's homeless
doesn't mean he's dangerous.

134
00:11:29,047 --> 00:11:32,039
Guys, I can handle it.
Just give me a minute, okay?

135
00:11:32,084 --> 00:11:33,483
Let him in.

136
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:35,611
It's my father.

137
00:11:37,055 --> 00:11:38,750
Just give me a minute.

138
00:11:52,938 --> 00:11:54,428
Wow, look at you.

139
00:11:54,473 --> 00:11:56,202
Wow.

140
00:11:56,241 --> 00:11:57,731
Look at you.

141
00:12:01,313 --> 00:12:04,373
L... I read about your girls' home.

142
00:12:04,416 --> 00:12:07,112
Center for Women's Employment.

143
00:12:07,152 --> 00:12:09,985
Anyway, I just thought
I'd come by and tell you...

144
00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:11,250
Where are you staying?

145
00:12:11,289 --> 00:12:14,190
A shelter.

146
00:12:14,226 --> 00:12:16,660
A shelter, a halfway home?

147
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:19,858
It's a shelter-home... a hybrid thing.

148
00:12:19,898 --> 00:12:21,923
Well, it must be that one
on Fulton and Sixth.

149
00:12:21,967 --> 00:12:24,902
I heard it's supposed to be nice.
They got new cots last year.

150
00:12:24,936 --> 00:12:27,268
This is stupid.

151
00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:29,899
I shouldn't have come here at all.
I don't know why I did.

152
00:12:29,941 --> 00:12:32,239
Obviously you've got your own life,
your own career.

153
00:12:32,277 --> 00:12:33,801
Wait.

154
00:12:34,846 --> 00:12:36,336
Wait here.

155
00:13:00,338 --> 00:13:02,806
Does he need a place to stay?
'Cause he could stay here.

156
00:13:02,841 --> 00:13:05,435
He's not gonna stay here.
He does not deserve to be around you.

157
00:13:05,477 --> 00:13:07,672
You gotta shut him down,
wall him off.

158
00:13:07,712 --> 00:13:10,146
I mean, he loves you.
He came to see you.

159
00:13:10,182 --> 00:13:13,345
How does that mean he loves her?
He's a user.

160
00:13:21,793 --> 00:13:24,660
Take this.
It's the rainy season.

161
00:13:24,696 --> 00:13:26,288
You'll need it.

162
00:13:26,331 --> 00:13:29,198
Thanks.

163
00:14:18,216 --> 00:14:21,617
I'll give you one month.
Let's go.

164
00:14:32,597 --> 00:14:35,430
- I can pay rent. It's not a problem.
- I don't want rent money.

165
00:14:35,467 --> 00:14:37,560
Okay, well, at least let me
pay for some groceries.

166
00:14:37,602 --> 00:14:40,833
I don't want your grocery money.
You'll get a job... a real job,

167
00:14:40,872 --> 00:14:43,898
'cause at the end of 30 days
you're on your own.

168
00:14:56,421 --> 00:14:58,651
Hi. I'm Donna.

169
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,749
It's so nice to meet you.

170
00:15:00,792 --> 00:15:02,953
Claire and I have been roommates
since freshman year

171
00:15:02,994 --> 00:15:05,121
and I feel like I know
nothing about you.

172
00:15:05,163 --> 00:15:07,028
Well, I wish I could sit
on my couch, but I can't,

173
00:15:07,065 --> 00:15:08,999
'cause Captain Caveman's on it.

174
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:10,899
- Who's that?
- That's just Phoebe.

175
00:15:10,936 --> 00:15:13,461
You know, I'm studying for my LSATs.
Dad wants me to be a lawyer.

176
00:15:13,505 --> 00:15:15,439
He says it doesn't matter what kind.
What do you think?

177
00:15:15,473 --> 00:15:17,737
I don't know.
Where's Phoebe from?

178
00:15:17,776 --> 00:15:20,404
She's from Craigslist, back when
we were looking for a roommate.

179
00:15:20,445 --> 00:15:22,845
Now not so much.

180
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:26,213
She's a lesbian.

181
00:15:26,251 --> 00:15:28,219
- Really?
- Yeah.

182
00:15:28,253 --> 00:15:29,845
I wouldn't have guessed that.

183
00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:34,954
Oh, Claire, these eggs
are so good...

184
00:15:34,993 --> 00:15:37,325
not too hard, not too soft.
They're right where you want to be.

185
00:15:37,362 --> 00:15:39,091
You really think that you can
come in here

186
00:15:39,130 --> 00:15:41,291
and you can compliment her eggs,
and that makes up for the fact

187
00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:43,198
that you've been MIA
for the better part of her life?

188
00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:45,533
Phoebe, can we not get into
the whole MIA thing right now? Okay?

189
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:48,971
Do you need a bike? 'Cause if you do,
you could totally borrow mine.

190
00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:50,998
Donna, it's okay.
He doesn't need your bike.

191
00:15:53,178 --> 00:15:56,443
So, Phoebe, what do you do
for a living?

192
00:15:56,481 --> 00:15:59,006
- She's a gym teacher.
- Oh, that's interesting.

193
00:15:59,050 --> 00:16:01,780
You know, you don't meet
that many lesbians who teach gym.

194
00:16:01,820 --> 00:16:03,981
I'd rather be a lesbian gym teacher
than the world's

195
00:16:04,022 --> 00:16:06,490
preeminent infomercial douchebag.

196
00:16:06,524 --> 00:16:08,515
Hey, enough. Enough.

197
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,653
You know, I love inventions.

198
00:16:10,695 --> 00:16:13,425
The Ped Egg, the ThighMaster,
the George Foreman Grill...

199
00:16:13,465 --> 00:16:15,057
I mean, they're amazing.

200
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,795
Donna, he didn't invent those.

201
00:16:16,835 --> 00:16:20,498
Also I'm not really what you call
an inventor, so to speak.

202
00:16:20,538 --> 00:16:23,029
It's more... the term is
"fabricator."

203
00:16:23,074 --> 00:16:24,598
You mean liar?

204
00:16:24,643 --> 00:16:26,474
Actually, according to Webster,

205
00:16:26,511 --> 00:16:29,105
"liar" is the fourth definition
of "fabricator."

206
00:16:29,147 --> 00:16:31,047
I can't believe you remember that.

207
00:16:31,082 --> 00:16:33,016
Well, what's the first?

208
00:16:33,051 --> 00:16:35,849
Well, the first definition is
"someone who creates

209
00:16:35,887 --> 00:16:40,347
by combining existing,
very often diverse standardized parts

210
00:16:40,392 --> 00:16:42,860
and brings them together."
That's what I do.

211
00:16:42,894 --> 00:16:44,759
Keep telling yourself
that bullshit, Bob.

212
00:16:46,364 --> 00:16:47,888
Thanks for breakfast.

213
00:16:47,932 --> 00:16:50,400
And I'd love to stay here
and have this pleasant chat,

214
00:16:50,435 --> 00:16:53,666
but the world's most famous
infomercial douche

215
00:16:53,705 --> 00:16:56,196
doesn't want to be late
for his first day on the job.

216
00:16:56,241 --> 00:16:59,108
- You have a job?
- Yeah, Family Mart.

217
00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:02,545
What do they have you doing? Mopping
the floors or cleaning the toilets?

218
00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:04,571
Phoebe.

219
00:17:10,021 --> 00:17:13,752
Robert Axle, as I live and breathe.

220
00:17:13,792 --> 00:17:15,760
Uh, Troy.

221
00:17:15,794 --> 00:17:18,194
Troy Coangelo.

222
00:17:18,229 --> 00:17:21,027
Hey, you're 19 minutes late,
but don't sweat it, man.

223
00:17:21,066 --> 00:17:23,534
I can rig the time stamp
on the punch-in clock

224
00:17:23,568 --> 00:17:25,593
to make sure you get credit
for a full shift.

225
00:17:25,637 --> 00:17:27,935
Great. Thanks.

226
00:17:27,972 --> 00:17:30,668
Oh, and here is a pen and a pad

227
00:17:30,709 --> 00:17:32,802
in case you get
one of your great ideas.

228
00:17:34,946 --> 00:17:37,506
Oh, and we got guys
in the break room

229
00:17:37,549 --> 00:17:41,076
to get you a foot massage, latte...
whatever you need.

230
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:43,178
I thought this was
a felon reform program.

231
00:17:43,221 --> 00:17:46,247
- You know what "felon reform" means?
- Apparently not.

232
00:17:46,291 --> 00:17:49,283
It means you represent
a monumental risk to my company.

233
00:17:49,327 --> 00:17:51,522
And it also means
if you show up late,

234
00:17:51,563 --> 00:17:53,861
forget to shave or so much
as breathe at the wrong time,

235
00:17:53,898 --> 00:17:56,332
I have full authority
to terminate your employment,

236
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,359
no warning, no cause,
no pink slip,

237
00:17:58,403 --> 00:18:00,394
just sayonara, kemosabe.

238
00:18:00,438 --> 00:18:03,373
Wait, I'm confused.
Am I fired?

239
00:18:03,408 --> 00:18:05,638
No, but you're sure as hell
not starting today.

240
00:18:05,677 --> 00:18:08,669
So when am I starting?

241
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:12,615
Whenever you can show up on time.
Presumably tomorrow.

242
00:18:17,489 --> 00:18:19,821
Whoa, what are you doing?

243
00:18:19,858 --> 00:18:21,849
Hi honey.
Well, you know what?

244
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:25,158
I saw this leaning up against the wall
and I decided to hang it up for you.

245
00:18:25,196 --> 00:18:27,790
Well, did it ever occur to you
that I didn't want it hung?

246
00:18:27,832 --> 00:18:29,527
No, I didn't think about that fact.

247
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,262
You know what?
I can take it down just as easily.

248
00:18:31,302 --> 00:18:33,998
Oh my God, you got fired,
didn't you?

249
00:18:34,038 --> 00:18:36,802
Fired? Good Lord, no.

250
00:18:36,841 --> 00:18:39,002
As a matter of fact,
this is the first day

251
00:18:39,043 --> 00:18:41,739
that I feel I've done an honest
day's work in a long long time.

252
00:18:41,780 --> 00:18:44,772
In fact, I still had enough time
to come home, reconfigure the fish tank

253
00:18:44,816 --> 00:18:46,807
and look at this...
something I learned in prison...

254
00:18:46,851 --> 00:18:49,786
I taught one of these guys
how to shoot a basket. Which one is he?

255
00:18:49,821 --> 00:18:51,311
Where is my mail?

256
00:18:51,356 --> 00:18:55,952
Oh, well, I made you a terrific new
mail recycling station right over there.

257
00:18:55,994 --> 00:18:58,656
Now you can open your mail,
drop in the bits you don't want

258
00:18:58,696 --> 00:19:02,462
right into that basket without having
to walk all the way to the kitchen.

259
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:05,128
Yeah, it's probably more comfortable
for you to be in your own room.

260
00:19:05,170 --> 00:19:08,731
But, you know, I can bring the whole
mail opening system into your bedroom.

261
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:11,207
- Would you stop?
- Stop what?

262
00:19:11,242 --> 00:19:13,005
Stop trying to be Joe Dad.

263
00:19:14,679 --> 00:19:16,670
I'm sorry. You're right.

264
00:19:16,714 --> 00:19:19,148
I'm done. I'm done.
I'm sorry.

265
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,420
What was that?

266
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:26,720
It's the carbon monoxide detector
I installed.

267
00:19:27,725 --> 00:19:29,090
What was that?

268
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:32,563
Our new carbon monoxide detector.

269
00:19:32,597 --> 00:19:36,089
Carbon monoxide?
Nobody smokes in this house.

270
00:19:46,544 --> 00:19:49,570
- Donna.
- Yeah?

271
00:19:49,614 --> 00:19:51,605
- Donna.
- Yeah, come in.

272
00:19:54,452 --> 00:19:57,319
Well, it's official.
Everyone in this house hates me.

273
00:19:57,355 --> 00:19:59,346
No, I don't hate you.

274
00:19:59,390 --> 00:20:01,051
Actually I've been looking
at your case

275
00:20:01,092 --> 00:20:02,753
and you gotta help me
understand something.

276
00:20:02,794 --> 00:20:05,092
You were charged for depraved
indifference to human life,

277
00:20:05,129 --> 00:20:06,619
which requires recklessness.

278
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,030
Wasn't it the victims
who were reckless, not you?

279
00:20:09,067 --> 00:20:11,262
I mean, they are the ones
who stuck their fingers in this...

280
00:20:11,302 --> 00:20:13,293
Whoa whoa whoa,
where did you get that?

281
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,329
Dad had one in the attic.

282
00:20:17,475 --> 00:20:19,739
What the hell, Axle?

283
00:20:32,657 --> 00:20:34,648
Argh!

284
00:21:18,469 --> 00:21:21,029
Face or nuts?

285
00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:23,063
- What?
- You violated my fish,

286
00:21:23,107 --> 00:21:25,371
so I get a free shot.
Where do you want it? Face or nuts?

287
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:27,537
I didn't violate your fish.
I reconfigured the fish tank.

288
00:21:27,579 --> 00:21:29,570
- Then I hung up the paint...
- Face or nuts?

289
00:21:29,614 --> 00:21:31,673
Face.

290
00:21:31,716 --> 00:21:34,082
Oh!

291
00:22:14,859 --> 00:22:17,293
Excuse me, can you point me
to the bathroom?

292
00:22:20,331 --> 00:22:22,663
You look like a smart guy.

293
00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:25,669
Were you aware that these
Steve Leslie discoveries

294
00:22:25,703 --> 00:22:27,603
were in fact discovered
by someone else?

295
00:22:27,639 --> 00:22:30,130
And they're not discoveries at all.
They're fabrications.

296
00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:32,768
So there's very little
discovering going on.

297
00:22:32,810 --> 00:22:34,801
Dude, I just want to know
where the bathroom is.

298
00:22:36,247 --> 00:22:39,512
It's in the back left corner
of the store, behind Housewares.

299
00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:44,314
What are you doing?

300
00:22:44,355 --> 00:22:47,654
I'm just trying to think of ways
that we can add value

301
00:22:47,692 --> 00:22:49,216
and make the customer
more informed.

302
00:22:49,260 --> 00:22:51,125
We? There's no we.

303
00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:53,392
There's us... Family Mart,

304
00:22:53,431 --> 00:22:56,161
and you... felon who should not
be talking to customers.

305
00:22:58,803 --> 00:23:01,067
Oh my God.

306
00:23:01,105 --> 00:23:03,096
Whoa.

307
00:23:09,881 --> 00:23:11,815
You're...

308
00:23:11,849 --> 00:23:14,784
I'm fried?

309
00:23:14,819 --> 00:23:17,253
You're fired!

310
00:23:46,951 --> 00:23:49,784
Axle.

311
00:23:51,289 --> 00:23:52,620
You know me?

312
00:23:52,657 --> 00:23:53,954
It's on your shirt.

313
00:23:56,828 --> 00:23:58,455
Want to play some handball?

314
00:23:58,496 --> 00:23:59,963
I'm a little busy right now.

315
00:23:59,997 --> 00:24:01,726
You don't look so busy to me.

316
00:24:01,766 --> 00:24:03,495
Where's your mother?

317
00:24:03,534 --> 00:24:06,503
- Go talk to her.
- Please, I'm so bored.

318
00:24:06,537 --> 00:24:08,767
You look like a nice kid, but I'm right
in the middle of something.

319
00:24:08,806 --> 00:24:11,206
I'm sure handball would be
a lot of fun, but...

320
00:24:14,145 --> 00:24:15,476
Okay.

321
00:24:22,487 --> 00:24:24,045
Argh!

322
00:24:24,088 --> 00:24:25,419
Oh.

323
00:24:26,424 --> 00:24:29,552
- You're too fancy with your feet.
- All right, all right.

324
00:24:30,895 --> 00:24:32,260
Oh, interference.

325
00:24:32,296 --> 00:24:35,231
- Are you accusing me of being a cheat?
- Just serve.

326
00:24:40,238 --> 00:24:42,934
Oh, whoa whoa whoa.
What is that?

327
00:24:42,974 --> 00:24:45,033
- A kickie.
- Since when are kickies allowed?

328
00:24:45,076 --> 00:24:47,067
- George.
- Gotta go. Bye.

329
00:25:05,163 --> 00:25:07,427
My mom says
you need a haircut.

330
00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:09,490
What's the matter with my hair?

331
00:25:09,534 --> 00:25:13,129
You look somebody
I'm not supposed to talk to.

332
00:25:41,866 --> 00:25:45,529
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Robert Axle Air Cutter...

333
00:25:45,570 --> 00:25:47,629
part clippers, part vacuum,

334
00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:50,607
salon-caliber haircuts
in the privacy of your own home

335
00:25:50,641 --> 00:25:52,632
without the hairy mess

336
00:25:52,677 --> 00:25:54,577
or the heavy prices.

337
00:26:09,260 --> 00:26:12,093
Whoa, check out the new Axle.

338
00:26:12,129 --> 00:26:14,120
Well, do you like it?

339
00:26:14,165 --> 00:26:16,395
I was hoping it's all right. It's...

340
00:26:16,434 --> 00:26:17,992
Yeah, you look
distinguished,

341
00:26:18,035 --> 00:26:20,060
like a college professor.

342
00:26:21,672 --> 00:26:24,163
You know, what would go good
with that midlife crisis

343
00:26:24,208 --> 00:26:26,904
is an earring
or maybe a Mazda Miata.

344
00:26:26,944 --> 00:26:30,175
You know what would go great
with that winning personality of yours?

345
00:26:30,214 --> 00:26:31,841
A therapist.

346
00:26:31,883 --> 00:26:34,716
- Claire, where are you going?
- My mom's.

347
00:26:34,752 --> 00:26:36,686
Wait up.
I'll walk out with you.

348
00:26:36,721 --> 00:26:38,712
Don't we have our own
washer and dryer?

349
00:26:38,756 --> 00:26:41,850
We have a washer and dryer. She doesn't
want to be around you, douchebag.

350
00:26:44,662 --> 00:26:47,062
You realize you're playing
a plastic guitar?

351
00:26:48,633 --> 00:26:51,033
- Guitar or drums?
- What?

352
00:26:51,068 --> 00:26:53,593
You rag on my Rock Band, I'm gonna
kick your ass. Guitar or drums?

353
00:26:53,638 --> 00:26:55,902
I didn't rag on your Rock Band.
I was making an obser...

354
00:26:55,940 --> 00:26:57,771
Guitar or drums?

355
00:26:57,808 --> 00:26:59,105
Guitar?

356
00:26:59,143 --> 00:27:02,670
I want to play guitar.
You can play the drums.

357
00:27:02,713 --> 00:27:06,149
It makes no sense to me that you would
invite him to your fundraiser.

358
00:27:06,183 --> 00:27:08,208
I cannot not invite him.

359
00:27:08,252 --> 00:27:11,050
He lives with us.
That's just rude.

360
00:27:11,088 --> 00:27:13,852
Well, you live with the fish
and you didn't invite the fish.

361
00:27:13,891 --> 00:27:16,451
I did not come here
to talk about Robert Axle.

362
00:27:16,494 --> 00:27:19,054
Well, that's too bad, because
Robert Axle is gonna be the only thing

363
00:27:19,096 --> 00:27:21,462
that people are talking about
if you invite him to the gala.

364
00:27:21,499 --> 00:27:23,558
And no one is gonna be writing
a check for you

365
00:27:23,601 --> 00:27:25,296
if they know you're affiliated
with that.

366
00:27:25,336 --> 00:27:26,701
I get it.

367
00:27:26,737 --> 00:27:29,069
Oh, I forgot. I have clothes.

368
00:27:29,106 --> 00:27:31,336
I have clothes to donate
to the women's center.

369
00:27:31,375 --> 00:27:33,366
Ma, it's really okay.

370
00:27:33,411 --> 00:27:35,743
Do you remember that single mother
that you introduced me to?

371
00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:39,216
I know she's got that job interview,
so what about this for her?

372
00:27:39,250 --> 00:27:42,879
Doesn't it just say,
"Hire me," "Power" and...?

373
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:44,751
- Oh, and you could pair it...
- Mom. Mom.

374
00:27:44,789 --> 00:27:46,552
...with this fantastic leopard.
Just look.

375
00:27:46,590 --> 00:27:49,388
- Mom.
- Just look. Watch.

376
00:27:49,427 --> 00:27:52,885
If we don't raise
the money we need to raise,

377
00:27:52,930 --> 00:27:54,864
can I count on you for a loan?

378
00:27:54,899 --> 00:27:58,062
I swear to God, I'll pay you back.

379
00:27:58,102 --> 00:28:02,061
I mean, you have offered
a thousand times.

380
00:28:02,106 --> 00:28:04,097
And you know what?

381
00:28:04,141 --> 00:28:07,474
I'm really proud of myself
that I'm not afraid to ask you for help.

382
00:28:07,511 --> 00:28:10,742
It's a big step for me.

383
00:28:10,781 --> 00:28:13,341
- It's gone.
- What's gone?

384
00:28:13,384 --> 00:28:16,717
The money's gone.
I'm filing for bankruptcy.

385
00:28:16,754 --> 00:28:20,884
You spent $362 million?

386
00:28:20,925 --> 00:28:23,052
Well, you know,

387
00:28:23,094 --> 00:28:25,562
there were funds.

388
00:28:25,596 --> 00:28:27,587
There were mutual things.

389
00:28:27,631 --> 00:28:29,326
And you know what?

390
00:28:29,367 --> 00:28:31,631
There's a lot of causes
that I feel very strongly about,

391
00:28:31,669 --> 00:28:33,330
like that elephant rescue.

392
00:28:33,371 --> 00:28:36,966
What about your album?
It went gold. You sold 500,000 copies.

393
00:28:37,008 --> 00:28:39,374
I bought 498,000 copies myself.

394
00:28:39,410 --> 00:28:41,537
You're kidding me.

395
00:28:41,579 --> 00:28:45,879
I wanted a gold record, okay?
Is that the crime of the century?

396
00:28:46,884 --> 00:28:48,249
You're right.

397
00:28:48,285 --> 00:28:50,014
What do you mean, I'm right?

398
00:28:50,054 --> 00:28:53,285
I'm a horrible horrible mother...

399
00:28:53,324 --> 00:28:54,848
horrible.

400
00:28:54,892 --> 00:28:56,883
Mom.

401
00:28:58,496 --> 00:29:00,521
Yellow is coming.

402
00:29:00,564 --> 00:29:02,896
Yellow yellow yellow yellow,

403
00:29:02,933 --> 00:29:05,868
red red, blue blue.

404
00:29:05,903 --> 00:29:07,894
Oh, this is incredible.
This is like,

405
00:29:07,938 --> 00:29:10,236
feel like a rock star
in the comfort of your own home.

406
00:29:10,274 --> 00:29:12,742
This is one fabrication
I wish I could call my own.

407
00:29:12,777 --> 00:29:16,645
I know. It's like a drug, isn't it?
The crowd is screaming for us.

408
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:19,808
Imagine this with a microphone.

409
00:29:23,654 --> 00:29:25,588
Eight years
with nothing to do but think,

410
00:29:25,623 --> 00:29:27,682
and I don't come up with one
single good idea.

411
00:29:27,725 --> 00:29:30,592
Dude, don't be so hard on yourself.
I mean, you got a good job.

412
00:29:30,628 --> 00:29:33,995
No, actually I don't anymore.
I got fired from Family Mart.

413
00:29:34,031 --> 00:29:35,293
Blue blue, red.

414
00:29:35,332 --> 00:29:38,460
Wow, that's impressive. They have
some real derelicts working there.

415
00:29:38,502 --> 00:29:41,437
And then I bust myself
trying to fix up this house.

416
00:29:41,472 --> 00:29:43,337
I even hung that painting
for Claire.

417
00:29:43,374 --> 00:29:45,968
She hated it so much,
I wish I'd never done it.

418
00:29:46,010 --> 00:29:49,309
She wasn't mad. She's been trying
to hang that thing since I moved here.

419
00:29:59,156 --> 00:30:01,249
All right, tell me something
about yourself

420
00:30:01,292 --> 00:30:03,590
besides the fact
that you're an angry lesbian.

421
00:30:03,627 --> 00:30:06,425
- That's all I got.
- I got that part. Something else.

422
00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:11,695
I got fake tits when I was 30.

423
00:30:13,938 --> 00:30:15,929
They look real to me.

424
00:30:15,973 --> 00:30:18,032
That's 'cause I had
a take-back-the-night moment

425
00:30:18,075 --> 00:30:20,600
and I had them yanked out
three months later.

426
00:30:21,946 --> 00:30:24,380
Wow, that just totally
threw me off rhythm.

427
00:30:25,783 --> 00:30:28,513
Lorraine baby, come down.
You're scaring us.

428
00:30:28,552 --> 00:30:31,350
My daughter finally needs me
and I'm broke.

429
00:30:31,388 --> 00:30:34,016
It's only two stories.
She won't kill herself.

430
00:30:34,058 --> 00:30:35,491
The worst she could do
is break her leg.

431
00:30:35,526 --> 00:30:37,084
No, I could crack my neck.

432
00:30:37,128 --> 00:30:38,789
Mom, I'll be okay.

433
00:30:38,829 --> 00:30:40,524
I see this all the time
in the forest:

434
00:30:40,564 --> 00:30:43,328
Baby bird wants to leave the nest;
mama bird gets all antsy,

435
00:30:43,367 --> 00:30:44,766
pacing, pecking.

436
00:30:44,802 --> 00:30:46,667
She thinks baby bird
doesn't know how to fly.

437
00:30:46,704 --> 00:30:48,001
And she flies.

438
00:30:48,038 --> 00:30:49,505
Does she?

439
00:30:49,540 --> 00:30:51,132
Actually no.

440
00:30:51,175 --> 00:30:55,271
A lot of times she dive-bombs
into the ground, beak first.

441
00:30:55,312 --> 00:30:57,246
Okay, that's not helping.

442
00:30:57,281 --> 00:30:59,112
I don't care about the money, Mom.

443
00:31:00,151 --> 00:31:01,778
Okay, but if I come down,

444
00:31:01,819 --> 00:31:04,310
you have to promise
you're not gonna invite him.

445
00:31:04,355 --> 00:31:07,381
I will not invite him.
I promise.

446
00:31:10,861 --> 00:31:13,022
All right.

447
00:31:43,260 --> 00:31:45,728
Stop, okay? I heard you.
What do you want?

448
00:31:45,763 --> 00:31:48,561
Hi!

449
00:31:48,599 --> 00:31:50,032
Claire!

450
00:31:50,067 --> 00:31:52,558
Yeah, I heard you.
What do you want?

451
00:31:52,603 --> 00:31:54,264
I thought we could
go for coffee.

452
00:31:54,305 --> 00:31:57,797
What?
No, you're not coming with me.

453
00:31:57,841 --> 00:31:59,176
What?

454
00:32:12,790 --> 00:32:15,486
So what is it with your mother
and this music crap?

455
00:32:15,526 --> 00:32:18,893
It's not crap.
It's her thing.

456
00:32:23,300 --> 00:32:25,564
So Phoebe tells me
that you sew clothes

457
00:32:25,603 --> 00:32:28,003
for the women at the center.
How long have you been doing that?

458
00:32:28,038 --> 00:32:31,530
Is it okay if we don't talk?

459
00:32:31,575 --> 00:32:34,271
Just trying to start a conversation.

460
00:32:41,852 --> 00:32:45,811
I like magazines more than books.

461
00:32:45,856 --> 00:32:47,881
And I really enjoy bingo.

462
00:32:49,593 --> 00:32:50,958
I like bingo.

463
00:32:52,696 --> 00:32:56,996
And I've been having
rabid erotic sex since I was 15.

464
00:32:57,034 --> 00:32:59,867
I don't need any of the details.

465
00:32:59,903 --> 00:33:01,666
The guy was 39.

466
00:33:01,705 --> 00:33:03,400
Oh, stop it.

467
00:33:08,512 --> 00:33:10,002
You are kidding.

468
00:33:10,047 --> 00:33:12,277
Yes, I'm kidding.

469
00:33:17,087 --> 00:33:19,578
Did you give me this jacket
because it's rainy season

470
00:33:19,623 --> 00:33:21,386
or because you wanted me
to look like a tool?

471
00:33:21,425 --> 00:33:23,518
A little bit of both.

472
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:25,391
Huh.

473
00:33:30,367 --> 00:33:33,268
- Thanks.
- You're very welcome.

474
00:33:33,304 --> 00:33:35,602
Hey, are you hungry?

475
00:33:35,639 --> 00:33:37,630
I could eat.

476
00:33:37,675 --> 00:33:39,404
Yeah, me too.

477
00:33:39,443 --> 00:33:42,105
See, some people think
jumping jacks don't do anything.

478
00:33:42,146 --> 00:33:45,240
Well, I'll tell you what, Abby... you do
these jumping jacks for 30 minutes,

479
00:33:45,282 --> 00:33:48,217
you're gonna sweat your balls off.
This shit is hard.

480
00:33:48,252 --> 00:33:51,187
All right, now we're doing windmills.
I'll tell you what, Savannah...

481
00:33:51,221 --> 00:33:53,348
you want a boy to text you,
you do these windmills.

482
00:33:53,390 --> 00:33:55,824
You want a date to the prom,
do windmills.

483
00:33:55,859 --> 00:33:59,192
Andre, you want the girls
to think you're hot, do windmills.

484
00:33:59,229 --> 00:34:01,823
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?

485
00:34:01,865 --> 00:34:04,800
Sorry. I hate to disturb you
in the middle of your class,

486
00:34:04,835 --> 00:34:08,271
but I just... I need your help.

487
00:34:08,305 --> 00:34:10,466
I'm really busy
enriching these kids' lives.

488
00:34:10,507 --> 00:34:12,498
No, that's great.
I just need...

489
00:34:12,543 --> 00:34:16,035
Andre, toes. Toes, not shins. Toes.

490
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,412
I need a new outfit.

491
00:34:23,921 --> 00:34:26,048
Are you sure this is
the right store for me?

492
00:34:26,090 --> 00:34:28,149
I'm trying to make you cooler,
you see,

493
00:34:28,192 --> 00:34:30,956
not go to the stores that you
usually go to... the uncool ones.

494
00:34:30,994 --> 00:34:33,792
I haven't been to a store
in quite a long time, frankly.

495
00:34:39,236 --> 00:34:41,796
- Hey.
- Hey.

496
00:34:41,839 --> 00:34:43,466
Hey.

497
00:34:43,507 --> 00:34:45,498
He needs to exchange his suit.

498
00:34:47,611 --> 00:34:49,101
Six bucks.

499
00:34:49,146 --> 00:34:51,273
Six bucks?
This cost me four grand.

500
00:34:51,315 --> 00:34:54,341
I sold my first fabrication in this.
This is my lucky goddamn suit.

501
00:34:54,385 --> 00:34:56,819
I don't think it's lucky anymore,
do you?

502
00:34:56,854 --> 00:34:59,516
Don't sell it then.
Use your parolee money. I don't care.

503
00:34:59,556 --> 00:35:02,719
I don't have any more, all right?
I had to buy stuff.

504
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:04,057
What did you buy?

505
00:35:04,094 --> 00:35:08,030
You know, taxis, donuts,
deodorant.

506
00:35:08,065 --> 00:35:10,863
I'll go up to seven bucks.

507
00:35:10,901 --> 00:35:12,892
- Looks good.
- I feel like an asshole.

508
00:35:12,936 --> 00:35:14,665
You are an asshole,
but you look better.

509
00:35:14,705 --> 00:35:17,105
- I look like a lesbian.
- You look gender-neutral.

510
00:35:17,141 --> 00:35:19,974
Gender-neutral? That wasn't exactly
the look I was going for.

511
00:35:20,010 --> 00:35:22,706
It's cool.
It's like urban DJ.

512
00:35:22,746 --> 00:35:24,680
Right.

513
00:35:24,715 --> 00:35:26,580
Lily!

514
00:35:27,618 --> 00:35:30,314
Lily!

515
00:35:30,354 --> 00:35:32,584
- Lily!
- Did you lose your dog, ma'am?

516
00:35:32,623 --> 00:35:35,421
No, it's my daughter.
I can't find my daughter.

517
00:35:35,459 --> 00:35:39,156
- Oh, is that her? Hey.
- Lily, Lily.

518
00:35:39,196 --> 00:35:41,494
Don't ever do that.

519
00:35:41,532 --> 00:35:43,523
Don't ever run away from me
again like that.

520
00:35:43,567 --> 00:35:46,161
You scared Mommy. Do you understand
what could happen to you?

521
00:35:48,705 --> 00:35:51,435
Oh yeah, saving the day.

522
00:36:14,832 --> 00:36:17,960
Steven Leslie.

523
00:36:18,001 --> 00:36:20,492
Robert Axle.

524
00:36:20,537 --> 00:36:22,698
How's the family?
How's Claire?

525
00:36:22,739 --> 00:36:25,708
Fine. How's my
$1.6 billion company?

526
00:36:27,711 --> 00:36:31,010
It's 2.7 now.

527
00:36:31,048 --> 00:36:34,415
Oh, you feel good about that, huh?
Sucking off the Robert Axle teat?

528
00:36:34,451 --> 00:36:37,249
Your name on the product... you take
the fall when it disfigures people.

529
00:36:37,287 --> 00:36:38,777
My name was the product.

530
00:36:38,822 --> 00:36:41,290
Face it, we could have put
birdshit in a box

531
00:36:41,325 --> 00:36:42,986
and we would have moved
three million units

532
00:36:43,026 --> 00:36:45,017
as long as it was
a Robert Axle fabrication.

533
00:36:45,062 --> 00:36:46,290
What do you want, Axle?

534
00:36:46,330 --> 00:36:48,025
Steve, we live in the world

535
00:36:48,065 --> 00:36:50,431
where parents are so paranoid
about losing their children

536
00:36:50,467 --> 00:36:52,958
that they're willing to put a leash
on them just to keep track of them.

537
00:36:53,003 --> 00:36:56,166
Now imagine if that leash
were wireless.

538
00:36:56,206 --> 00:36:57,639
The kid doesn't feel like a dog;

539
00:36:57,674 --> 00:37:00,234
the parents know the instant
the kid wanders out of a certain range;

540
00:37:00,277 --> 00:37:03,007
they get a vibration on a receiver;
they know where their kids are.

541
00:37:03,046 --> 00:37:07,483
Wireless child leashes
already exist, Axle... not big sellers.

542
00:37:07,518 --> 00:37:08,815
- And you know why?
- Why?

543
00:37:08,852 --> 00:37:13,289
Because nobody's ever thought
to market them to kids.

544
00:37:13,323 --> 00:37:16,656
Say we bury
the leash technology

545
00:37:16,693 --> 00:37:19,526
inside of a kid's watch,

546
00:37:19,563 --> 00:37:20,894
but not just any watch.

547
00:37:20,931 --> 00:37:22,865
I mean, this is like the coolest,
the greatest,

548
00:37:22,900 --> 00:37:25,027
the grooviest gadget watch
ever invented.

549
00:37:25,068 --> 00:37:27,059
It's... are you ready for it?

550
00:37:27,104 --> 00:37:28,696
- Watchdawg.

551
00:37:28,739 --> 00:37:31,367
Right? It plays music,
video games,

552
00:37:31,408 --> 00:37:33,808
emails. It takes pictures.

553
00:37:33,844 --> 00:37:37,177
Everything plays music and video games
and takes pictures these days.

554
00:37:37,214 --> 00:37:39,307
What, have you been living
under a rock?

555
00:37:39,349 --> 00:37:41,715
Steve, you're missing the point.

556
00:37:41,752 --> 00:37:43,720
This is about bringing together

557
00:37:43,754 --> 00:37:45,915
a child's need to be entertained

558
00:37:45,956 --> 00:37:48,424
with a parent's need
to keep them safe.

559
00:37:50,193 --> 00:37:53,458
All things are intertwined, Steve.

560
00:37:53,497 --> 00:37:55,328
And all we gotta do
is step out of the way

561
00:37:55,365 --> 00:37:58,630
and let atoms and molecules
show us how easy it is...

562
00:37:58,669 --> 00:38:02,765
Wait, did you just say
the atoms and the molecules?

563
00:38:05,075 --> 00:38:08,306
You know how hard it was for us
to distance ourselves from you?

564
00:38:09,346 --> 00:38:12,975
Do you know how hard it is for me
to distance myself from me?

565
00:38:13,016 --> 00:38:16,679
Axle, from my heart,
I would love to help you, but I can't.

566
00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:20,451
Jesus Christ, Steve.
I gave you your first job.

567
00:38:22,793 --> 00:38:26,422
- Good luck.
- You're gonna regret this.

568
00:38:26,463 --> 00:38:28,454
This is Robert Axle.

569
00:38:28,498 --> 00:38:30,625
Can I speak to Mr. Johnson, please?

570
00:38:30,667 --> 00:38:32,658
- Edward?
- Yeah, Ed.

571
00:38:32,703 --> 00:38:35,263
- Who did you say was calling?
- Robert Axle.

572
00:38:35,305 --> 00:38:38,570
The Robert Axle?
The infomercial guy?

573
00:38:38,609 --> 00:38:40,577
Yes, that Robert Axle.

574
00:38:40,611 --> 00:38:42,511
Well, listen...

575
00:38:45,749 --> 00:38:47,341
Mickey, is this you
joking around again?

576
00:38:47,384 --> 00:38:49,409
No, look, the whole...

577
00:38:49,453 --> 00:38:52,786
Yeah. Yeah, formerly...
hello?

578
00:38:52,823 --> 00:38:54,916
Bob Agzel.

579
00:38:54,958 --> 00:38:58,485
- Robert Axle?
- Agzel.

580
00:39:10,540 --> 00:39:11,700
Hello.

581
00:39:11,742 --> 00:39:14,506
Yeah, hi. Somebody just
called me from this number.

582
00:39:14,544 --> 00:39:16,944
They left a message about a pitch,
but I didn't get a name.

583
00:39:16,980 --> 00:39:20,347
Oh, sorry about that.
No my name is...

584
00:39:20,384 --> 00:39:22,909
- Troy Coangelo.
- Troy Coangelo.

585
00:39:22,953 --> 00:39:24,944
Troy Coangelo.

586
00:39:24,988 --> 00:39:27,047
Okay, and how do you spell that?

587
00:39:27,090 --> 00:39:29,217
T-R-O-Y.

588
00:39:29,259 --> 00:39:31,250
Yeah, no, I got that part.

589
00:39:31,294 --> 00:39:37,824
Oh, C-O-A-N-G-L-O.

590
00:39:37,868 --> 00:39:41,099
- Really? No E after the G?
- Nope.

591
00:39:41,138 --> 00:39:43,003
And you do have
a working prototype?

592
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,201
Ha. I wouldn't be calling
if I didn't.

593
00:39:45,242 --> 00:39:47,574
Oh, now is really not a good time.

594
00:39:47,611 --> 00:39:50,307
Matt leaves for Dubai
on Wednesday.

595
00:39:51,648 --> 00:39:54,242
We're gonna have to get you in
on Tuesday. How's 9:00 AM?

596
00:39:54,284 --> 00:39:57,481
Uh, let me just look for a second.

597
00:39:57,521 --> 00:39:59,182
Mr. Coanglo?

598
00:39:59,222 --> 00:40:00,951
Yeah, I can make Tuesday work.

599
00:40:00,991 --> 00:40:03,323
Okay. All right, great.
We'll see you then.

600
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,590
Okay, thank you very much.

601
00:40:17,507 --> 00:40:19,441
Excuse me.
I wonder if you could help me.

602
00:40:19,476 --> 00:40:21,273
I'm looking for Sam Bergman's
room, please.

603
00:40:21,311 --> 00:40:23,802
You're new around here.

604
00:40:23,847 --> 00:40:25,815
Yes, I guess you could say that.

605
00:40:25,849 --> 00:40:27,942
- Well, let me show you.
- Okay, thank you.

606
00:40:27,984 --> 00:40:31,420
Now you can't have Sam's room,
'cause Sam ain't passed yet.

607
00:40:31,455 --> 00:40:32,615
I'm sorry?

608
00:40:32,656 --> 00:40:35,750
But I can see why you'd want it,
because it's got a good view,

609
00:40:35,792 --> 00:40:38,022
it's close to everything, but...

610
00:40:38,061 --> 00:40:40,894
Yeah, I think you misunderstood.
I'm just here to visit Sam.

611
00:40:40,931 --> 00:40:42,228
I'm not actually moving in.

612
00:40:42,265 --> 00:40:45,393
But Sam ain't passed yet,
so you can't have his room.

613
00:40:45,435 --> 00:40:48,768
Now this room here...
this will suit you just fine.

614
00:40:48,805 --> 00:40:50,966
As a matter of fact,
I tried to get this room,

615
00:40:51,007 --> 00:40:54,374
because across the hall here...
this is Miss Miller's room.

616
00:40:54,411 --> 00:40:57,107
And ooh-ee,

617
00:40:57,147 --> 00:41:00,378
Miss Miller... she is all right.

618
00:41:00,417 --> 00:41:03,352
Great. Harold, hold that thought.
I'll be right back.

619
00:41:20,904 --> 00:41:22,769
Not a bad place.

620
00:41:25,108 --> 00:41:26,268
It sucks.

621
00:41:26,309 --> 00:41:27,970
Yeah? Try prison.

622
00:41:28,011 --> 00:41:32,209
Prison is avoidable.
Senility is not.

623
00:41:34,718 --> 00:41:36,549
Well, what the hell do you want?

624
00:41:36,586 --> 00:41:39,885
I can't just come by and visit
the best engineer I know?

625
00:41:39,923 --> 00:41:43,120
I told you people would get tired
of doing crunches.

626
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:44,855
You should have listened to me.

627
00:41:44,895 --> 00:41:47,056
You didn't tell me people would
get sick of doing crunches.

628
00:41:47,097 --> 00:41:49,065
You told me we needed
more testing.

629
00:41:49,099 --> 00:41:50,691
And you were right.

630
00:41:50,734 --> 00:41:54,363
Again I ask, what do you want?

631
00:41:56,072 --> 00:41:57,369
A prototype.

632
00:41:57,407 --> 00:42:00,001
I'm retired.

633
00:42:00,043 --> 00:42:02,238
This is a gadget watch for kids.

634
00:42:02,279 --> 00:42:05,248
Combined with what?
A garden hose?

635
00:42:05,282 --> 00:42:08,740
How about a catcher's mitt?

636
00:42:08,785 --> 00:42:11,652
How about child leash technology?

637
00:42:11,688 --> 00:42:14,316
There are so many kids
getting lost out there these days, Sam.

638
00:42:14,357 --> 00:42:15,847
We gotta do something about it.

639
00:42:15,892 --> 00:42:18,383
What makes you think
that I will work with you again?

640
00:42:18,428 --> 00:42:21,693
'Cause you need this
as bad as I do.

641
00:42:27,671 --> 00:42:30,265
Five grand, five days.

642
00:42:30,307 --> 00:42:32,605
- Done.
- You do have the money?

643
00:42:32,642 --> 00:42:35,076
No, but I'll get it.

644
00:42:35,111 --> 00:42:39,013
No money, no prototype.
I mean it, Axle.

645
00:42:42,118 --> 00:42:45,610
This is a brilliant concept. I can't
believe someone else hasn't done it yet.

646
00:42:45,655 --> 00:42:47,816
And it's not like you're asking
for a lot of money here.

647
00:42:47,858 --> 00:42:50,588
I mean, five grand's nothing
when it comes to prototypes.

648
00:42:50,627 --> 00:42:53,255
Neil, you cannot
possibly know

649
00:42:53,296 --> 00:42:55,093
how relieved I am
to hear you tell me that.

650
00:42:55,131 --> 00:42:58,396
Can I interrupt you for a second?
Okay, you know how people

651
00:42:58,435 --> 00:43:00,596
always blow out the candles
on a birthday cake

652
00:43:00,637 --> 00:43:04,733
and then they expect everyone to want
to eat it with their germs all over it?

653
00:43:04,774 --> 00:43:07,641
Introducing the Neilster.

654
00:43:07,677 --> 00:43:10,612
Okay?
I could have bronchitis

655
00:43:10,647 --> 00:43:12,672
and be blowing
on your birthday cake.

656
00:43:12,716 --> 00:43:14,047
May I?

657
00:43:17,821 --> 00:43:19,118
It's good, right?

658
00:43:19,155 --> 00:43:23,353
Showed my boss the business plan...
signed off on a deuce that afternoon.

659
00:43:23,393 --> 00:43:24,553
A deuce?

660
00:43:24,594 --> 00:43:26,323
Yeah, it's loan officer talk
for 20K.

661
00:43:26,363 --> 00:43:28,331
You know what K means, right?

662
00:43:28,365 --> 00:43:30,856
I don't have a business plan.

663
00:43:30,901 --> 00:43:33,165
- You don't have a business plan?
- Shh.

664
00:43:33,203 --> 00:43:37,264
My business plan is
the $1.6 billion empire I built.

665
00:43:39,009 --> 00:43:40,306
Don't write that down.

666
00:43:42,512 --> 00:43:45,379
Just give me one moment here.

667
00:43:45,415 --> 00:43:47,406
What are you d...?

668
00:43:47,450 --> 00:43:50,942
Okay, anything else I should know
before I run this up the flagpole?

669
00:43:50,987 --> 00:43:53,046
No, that's it.

670
00:43:53,089 --> 00:43:55,489
Good. My boss hates surprises.

671
00:43:59,362 --> 00:44:01,956
I am also a convicted felon.

672
00:44:01,998 --> 00:44:03,056
I'm sorry?

673
00:44:03,099 --> 00:44:05,499
I'm a convicted felon.

674
00:44:05,535 --> 00:44:07,526
Oh.

675
00:44:07,570 --> 00:44:10,596
I'm not sure if we give loans

676
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,972
to convicted felons.

677
00:44:16,947 --> 00:44:19,575
I've got a gut feeling
about you though.

678
00:44:19,616 --> 00:44:22,084
And my boss is big
on gut feelings.

679
00:44:24,154 --> 00:44:26,884
Neil, thank you.

680
00:44:26,923 --> 00:44:29,187
Thank you.
Thank you so much.

681
00:44:29,225 --> 00:44:32,854
And this... it's a great idea.

682
00:44:32,896 --> 00:44:36,263
- Give me just a moment, okay?
- Okay.

683
00:44:41,604 --> 00:44:44,038
Okay, we've got
a new customer... 5K.

684
00:44:44,074 --> 00:44:46,099
I've got a good feeling
about this one.

685
00:44:48,345 --> 00:44:50,370
This gentleman right over here.

686
00:45:10,633 --> 00:45:13,033
Jerry!

687
00:45:14,804 --> 00:45:17,170
Ranger Jerry!

688
00:45:19,976 --> 00:45:21,967
Jerry!

689
00:45:25,882 --> 00:45:28,180
- Hey.
- Punks!

690
00:45:28,218 --> 00:45:30,618
Upsetting my fritillary butterflies.

691
00:45:30,653 --> 00:45:32,678
That's an endangered species, Axle.

692
00:45:34,357 --> 00:45:36,723
You'd better not come back!

693
00:45:38,328 --> 00:45:39,659
Jesus!

694
00:45:39,696 --> 00:45:42,028
Shit, my fault.

695
00:45:42,065 --> 00:45:43,828
Well, I hate to bother you
while you're working,

696
00:45:43,867 --> 00:45:45,858
but I need to borrow five grand.

697
00:45:45,902 --> 00:45:48,462
Axle, you're my boy, man.

698
00:45:48,505 --> 00:45:50,405
I'd hook you up just on principle.

699
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:53,739
But me and Lo... we're a little
strapped for cash at the moment.

700
00:45:53,777 --> 00:45:56,507
Strapped for cash?
That's impossible.

701
00:45:56,546 --> 00:45:58,776
How can you go through $362 million
in eight years?

702
00:45:58,815 --> 00:46:00,646
It's easier than you think, man...

703
00:46:00,683 --> 00:46:04,483
charity, bidding wars on eBay, trips.

704
00:46:04,521 --> 00:46:07,922
It costs 86 grand a day
just to rent your own submarine.

705
00:46:09,692 --> 00:46:13,458
Tell me how much she blew
on this so-called music career of hers.

706
00:46:13,496 --> 00:46:17,398
Let's just say she made
a lot of videos,

707
00:46:17,434 --> 00:46:19,800
a couple
at Mount Rushmore.

708
00:46:19,836 --> 00:46:23,135
Oh man, I gotta go to this fundraiser
thing, man, before Lorraine kills me.

709
00:46:23,173 --> 00:46:25,971
You see? That's another reason
you're broke... too much philanthropy.

710
00:46:26,009 --> 00:46:27,533
What is it now?
Oh, let me guess...

711
00:46:27,577 --> 00:46:30,637
the Indigenous Giraffes'
Sperm Foundation

712
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:33,911
for the Pigmies
Who Have Lung Cancer

713
00:46:33,950 --> 00:46:36,680
and Don't Have Mosquito Nets
Foundation?

714
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:38,880
It's Claire's event, Axle.

715
00:46:46,830 --> 00:46:50,664
We teach them interview skills
and how to build a resume.

716
00:46:50,700 --> 00:46:54,295
The women are really using
the resources we provide for them

717
00:46:54,337 --> 00:46:57,795
to go out into the world
and find jobs on their own.

718
00:46:57,841 --> 00:47:00,867
This is an amazing project.
You should be very proud.

719
00:47:00,910 --> 00:47:03,538
Thank you.
Oh, this is my roommate Phoebe.

720
00:47:05,582 --> 00:47:06,776
I'm a lesbian.

721
00:47:06,816 --> 00:47:10,912
Oh, isn't that wonderful for you?

722
00:47:10,954 --> 00:47:12,945
It is actually.

723
00:47:12,989 --> 00:47:15,184
Well, have you guys seen
the silent auction?

724
00:47:15,225 --> 00:47:17,386
No, I haven't seen it yet.
I would love to.

725
00:47:37,313 --> 00:47:39,747
Don't you take
one more step, Axle.

726
00:47:42,519 --> 00:47:44,453
You have to leave now.

727
00:47:44,487 --> 00:47:46,455
Hey, it's a fundraiser, Medusa.
I'm here to raise funds.

728
00:47:46,489 --> 00:47:49,754
Medusa.
It's like Madonna, but it's...

729
00:47:49,792 --> 00:47:51,089
Hi Axle.

730
00:47:51,127 --> 00:47:53,755
- Hi.
- Somehow, someway

731
00:47:53,796 --> 00:47:55,991
none of these people know
you're associated with Claire.

732
00:47:56,032 --> 00:47:58,262
Then it shouldn't be a problem
that I'm here.

733
00:47:58,301 --> 00:48:00,166
You're a piece of work,
you know that?

734
00:48:00,203 --> 00:48:03,263
I'm a piece of work?
You're the one that blew $362 million.

735
00:48:03,306 --> 00:48:06,639
At least I lost my half giving it
to my victims. What's your excuse?

736
00:48:06,676 --> 00:48:09,338
My excuse is that money was cursed.
It took me eight years

737
00:48:09,379 --> 00:48:11,313
and every fiber of my being
to get rid of it,

738
00:48:11,347 --> 00:48:13,281
and now that it's gone,
I'm so glad...

739
00:48:13,316 --> 00:48:16,843
Hi Axle. I'd like you to meet my
parents... Howard and Penny Camp.

740
00:48:16,886 --> 00:48:19,013
- Hello.
- Hello.

741
00:48:19,055 --> 00:48:22,513
How nice that you and Lorraine
can put aside your differences

742
00:48:22,559 --> 00:48:24,823
to support Claire
on her special night.

743
00:48:24,861 --> 00:48:27,489
Well, Claire has always
come first in our family.

744
00:48:27,530 --> 00:48:30,499
Listen, Axle, l...

745
00:48:30,533 --> 00:48:32,865
I'll admit that when I found out

746
00:48:32,902 --> 00:48:35,962
that my daughter Donna was gonna be
living with a convicted felon,

747
00:48:36,005 --> 00:48:39,497
that I was... I'm sorry...
rather uncomfortable.

748
00:48:39,542 --> 00:48:41,772
But then

749
00:48:41,811 --> 00:48:44,473
we started going through
some of Donna's old stuff.

750
00:48:44,514 --> 00:48:47,210
Getting ready to convert her bedroom
into a guest room.

751
00:48:47,250 --> 00:48:49,741
And they found my old
Light-O-Saurus.

752
00:48:49,786 --> 00:48:52,778
And when we heard
that you had designed that

753
00:48:52,822 --> 00:48:54,881
for Claire back in the day,

754
00:48:54,924 --> 00:48:57,484
well, we were damn near
moved to tears.

755
00:48:57,527 --> 00:48:59,188
He is good.

756
00:48:59,229 --> 00:49:03,757
Isn't this wonderful... this event?
Just wonderful.

757
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:06,826
Penny Camp,

758
00:49:06,869 --> 00:49:09,201
what is it about this event

759
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:12,003
that's so wonderful?

760
00:49:13,610 --> 00:49:15,805
People helping people.

761
00:49:15,845 --> 00:49:17,745
Bingo. You said it.

762
00:49:17,780 --> 00:49:19,907
That's it.
In a word... community.

763
00:49:19,949 --> 00:49:23,544
Culture and community.

764
00:49:23,586 --> 00:49:26,384
Ladies and gentlemen,
if all of us could do just that...

765
00:49:26,422 --> 00:49:29,949
come together
as a community, as a culture...

766
00:49:29,993 --> 00:49:32,257
I mean,
ask yourselves this question:

767
00:49:32,295 --> 00:49:35,492
How many women
has this center helped

768
00:49:35,531 --> 00:49:37,431
get off drugs just this year?

769
00:49:37,467 --> 00:49:40,163
- God, he thinks it's a drug center.
- Community, culture.

770
00:49:40,203 --> 00:49:41,670
Culture, community.

771
00:49:41,704 --> 00:49:43,194
Believe me,

772
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:46,037
when I started my company
I hadn't a pot to piss in.

773
00:49:46,075 --> 00:49:48,066
Look at these women
on these walls,

774
00:49:48,111 --> 00:49:51,774
putting things in their bodies
that just harm them.

775
00:49:51,814 --> 00:49:53,873
And this place helps that.

776
00:49:53,916 --> 00:49:56,476
Well, all of you should
get out your checkbooks right now

777
00:49:56,519 --> 00:49:58,180
and write a big check
for my daughter.

778
00:49:58,221 --> 00:50:00,485
There's no reason she should
have to do this for herself.

779
00:50:00,523 --> 00:50:02,457
We've all got to get on
this bandwagon.

780
00:50:02,492 --> 00:50:05,017
Let's make that wall of success
a world of success.

781
00:50:05,061 --> 00:50:06,358
What do you say?

782
00:50:24,247 --> 00:50:25,509
Hi.

783
00:50:25,548 --> 00:50:27,413
What the hell was that?

784
00:50:27,450 --> 00:50:30,283
Well, I don't know. You tell me.
Seems to be some big event

785
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:32,288
that everybody got invited to tonight
except me.

786
00:50:32,322 --> 00:50:34,586
That's exactly why
I didn't invite you... that speech.

787
00:50:34,624 --> 00:50:36,489
What's the matter with my speech?
I was doing my bit.

788
00:50:36,526 --> 00:50:38,084
I had them eating
out of the palm of my hand.

789
00:50:38,127 --> 00:50:40,493
It's a center for women's employment,
not a drug rehab.

790
00:50:40,530 --> 00:50:42,430
That's how blind you are.

791
00:50:42,465 --> 00:50:44,592
Well, what difference does it make?
Drugs, employment...

792
00:50:44,634 --> 00:50:46,602
it's all about helping p...
all right, never mind.

793
00:50:46,636 --> 00:50:48,763
You don't have to worry about me
anymore, 'cause you know what?

794
00:50:48,805 --> 00:50:50,966
I've got a whole new thing happening,
and come Tuesday...

795
00:50:51,007 --> 00:50:53,771
Let me guess...
the great Robert Axle will be back

796
00:50:53,810 --> 00:50:56,176
in all his glory.

797
00:50:58,214 --> 00:51:00,614
God, it's like you want me
to stay like this...

798
00:51:00,650 --> 00:51:03,016
homeless, without a job.

799
00:51:03,052 --> 00:51:06,419
Would it really be so bad
if I started to do well again

800
00:51:06,456 --> 00:51:08,447
after what I've been through?

801
00:51:51,167 --> 00:51:54,796
My parents thought
you were awesome.

802
00:51:54,837 --> 00:51:57,431
And that speech was amazing.

803
00:52:01,477 --> 00:52:03,468
Don't give up, Axle.

804
00:52:03,513 --> 00:52:05,538
You guys will figure it out.

805
00:52:50,426 --> 00:52:52,951
Okay, item one...

806
00:52:52,995 --> 00:52:56,055
one-of-a-kind Light-O-Saurus

807
00:52:56,098 --> 00:52:58,532
signed by Robert Axle,

808
00:52:58,568 --> 00:53:02,470
as seen in the original infomercial,

809
00:53:02,505 --> 00:53:05,668
2500 bucks...

810
00:53:45,448 --> 00:53:48,246
Daddy, you did it.
You sold it.

811
00:53:48,284 --> 00:53:51,117
No no, baby, we did it.

812
00:53:51,153 --> 00:53:53,621
We sold it.

813
00:53:53,656 --> 00:53:55,283
And you know why?

814
00:53:56,826 --> 00:53:59,920
You brought my picture with you?

815
00:53:59,962 --> 00:54:01,953
Yes, I did.

816
00:54:04,166 --> 00:54:05,997
Oh goodness. Oh goodness.

817
00:54:06,035 --> 00:54:07,730
Oh my goodness,
what happened?

818
00:54:07,770 --> 00:54:10,330
It's unbelievable
how cute you are.

819
00:54:10,373 --> 00:54:12,364
Oh, you think she's giggling?

820
00:54:12,408 --> 00:54:14,933
You're gonna like what I have
to give you even better.

821
00:54:17,947 --> 00:54:20,507
Oh.

822
00:54:39,402 --> 00:54:41,768
You should have grabbed yourself
a raincoat, Axle.

823
00:54:41,804 --> 00:54:44,102
Oh thanks.
I would have never thought of that.

824
00:54:44,140 --> 00:54:45,698
How are things going
with your daughter?

825
00:54:45,741 --> 00:54:47,504
Uh, good.

826
00:54:47,543 --> 00:54:50,706
Yeah? So she's getting past
her abandonment issues?

827
00:54:50,746 --> 00:54:53,806
I mean, most kids never really forgive
their parents for going away to prison.

828
00:54:53,849 --> 00:54:57,182
I'm sorry, who are you?

829
00:54:57,219 --> 00:55:00,552
Part parole officer, part uncle,
part therapist.

830
00:55:00,590 --> 00:55:04,253
Yeah, well, why don't we just stick
to the part parole officer part?

831
00:55:04,293 --> 00:55:08,320
Okay, how are things going
at Family Mart?

832
00:55:08,364 --> 00:55:11,128
You know, what can I say?
Family Mart is Family Mart.

833
00:55:11,167 --> 00:55:13,328
Troy told me
he had to let you go.

834
00:55:14,470 --> 00:55:18,133
You know, a big part of this program
is keeping a steady job, Axle.

835
00:55:18,174 --> 00:55:21,610
67% of felons
wind up going back to prison...

836
00:55:21,644 --> 00:55:25,410
Whoa whoa whoa, you just
told me last week it was 62%.

837
00:55:25,448 --> 00:55:28,178
Did I?
Well, there's a new report.

838
00:55:28,217 --> 00:55:30,549
The numbers have gone up.

839
00:55:32,054 --> 00:55:33,255
Oh great.

840
00:55:53,976 --> 00:55:57,070
- Phoebe. Phoebe!
- What?

841
00:55:57,113 --> 00:55:59,445
- Phoebe!
- What?

842
00:55:59,482 --> 00:56:01,109
Where's Rock Band?

843
00:56:02,985 --> 00:56:06,716
Son of a bitch. Ooh.

844
00:56:08,424 --> 00:56:09,652
What happened?

845
00:56:09,692 --> 00:56:11,683
My ex...

846
00:56:11,727 --> 00:56:13,718
that bitch stole my shit!

847
00:56:13,763 --> 00:56:16,231
Wow, things are nasty
when chicks break up.

848
00:56:16,265 --> 00:56:18,256
Oh, it's gonna get really nasty!

849
00:56:18,300 --> 00:56:20,427
Oh shit.

850
00:56:20,469 --> 00:56:21,629
- Hi.
- Hi.

851
00:56:21,671 --> 00:56:25,198
- I'm here to make a deposit.
- Okay.

852
00:56:25,241 --> 00:56:27,471
Oh, you're with the center.

853
00:56:27,510 --> 00:56:30,479
I love that. I was just
telling my sister all about it,

854
00:56:30,513 --> 00:56:33,004
- how they help the women...
- That's right.

855
00:56:33,049 --> 00:56:35,279
...with jobs and everything.
That's great.

856
00:56:35,317 --> 00:56:37,308
Oh.

857
00:56:37,353 --> 00:56:40,481
Do you know you've bounced
a couple of checks this week?

858
00:56:43,759 --> 00:56:47,786
Hey, have you applied
for any grants?

859
00:56:47,830 --> 00:56:50,799
Yes, grants are really hard...

860
00:56:50,833 --> 00:56:52,926
- sorry, hold on one second.
- Well, maybe...

861
00:56:52,968 --> 00:56:55,630
- One second, sorry. Donna.
- Claire, I have to tell...

862
00:56:55,671 --> 00:56:57,605
- I'll call you back, okay?
- No no no no.

863
00:56:57,640 --> 00:57:00,871
- Just don't do anything stupid.
- I'm not gonna do anything stupid.

864
00:57:00,910 --> 00:57:02,935
I'm just gonna march up to the door
and I'm gonna be like,

865
00:57:02,978 --> 00:57:04,946
"Give me back
my Rock Band, bitch!"

866
00:57:06,816 --> 00:57:08,807
- Donna, I'm busy.
- Wait, Phoebe...

867
00:57:12,488 --> 00:57:16,424
- What up, Phoebe?
- Bitch, give me back my Rock Band.

868
00:57:16,459 --> 00:57:18,359
Whoa, what's with
the Louisville Slugger?

869
00:57:18,394 --> 00:57:20,259
What, did you join the all-dyke
softball league?

870
00:57:20,296 --> 00:57:23,129
- Hey!
- Give me back my Rock Band.

871
00:57:23,165 --> 00:57:25,895
Then give me back the $4200
that I spent on your fake titties!

872
00:57:25,935 --> 00:57:30,133
Stop talking shit about my tits.
They're great, asshole.

873
00:57:30,172 --> 00:57:34,541
You want your game?
You want your game?

874
00:57:34,577 --> 00:57:37,512
Your ex is a guy?
I thought you were a lesbian.

875
00:57:37,546 --> 00:57:38,638
I am.

876
00:57:38,681 --> 00:57:40,672
Here's your game.
Here you go.

877
00:57:40,716 --> 00:57:43,446
Don't break it.

878
00:57:47,089 --> 00:57:50,183
How about some drums, huh?
You want some drums?

879
00:57:50,226 --> 00:57:52,353
Yeah? Yeah?

880
00:57:54,396 --> 00:57:56,387
Who the hell is he?

881
00:57:56,432 --> 00:57:59,026
You're worthless, Phoebe.
You are worthless.

882
00:57:59,068 --> 00:58:01,502
You're never gonna get a man like me.
What are you gonna settle for?

883
00:58:01,537 --> 00:58:04,631
You don't even know who you are.
You're nobody without me.

884
00:58:04,673 --> 00:58:07,164
Come on, let's go.

885
00:58:07,209 --> 00:58:09,200
Drive. Drive.

886
00:58:10,946 --> 00:58:13,540
Bye.

887
00:58:19,955 --> 00:58:22,423
Oh, look, forget about him.
He's an idiot.

888
00:58:22,458 --> 00:58:24,323
I had to shut him down.
Somebody had to stop him.

889
00:58:24,360 --> 00:58:25,987
He's an idiot.
And he's a liar too.

890
00:58:26,028 --> 00:58:28,462
'Cause anybody who looks at him
can tell he's still in love with you.

891
00:58:28,497 --> 00:58:31,466
He thinks you're more beautiful now,
more attractive, more intelligent.

892
00:58:31,500 --> 00:58:35,266
I mean, look at you. You're funny.
You've got this great style about you.

893
00:58:35,304 --> 00:58:38,432
And he's a total idiot for thinking...
you know what? He's probably feeling

894
00:58:38,474 --> 00:58:41,341
like a total fool... the fact that
he used to have you and now...

895
00:59:18,314 --> 00:59:20,305
How was your day, Claire?

896
00:59:20,349 --> 00:59:22,840
Horrible.
I'm so over everyone.

897
00:59:22,885 --> 00:59:25,683
I hate people.

898
00:59:25,721 --> 00:59:27,916
You know what?
Everywhere I go

899
00:59:27,957 --> 00:59:29,754
people go on and on
about the center,

900
00:59:29,792 --> 00:59:32,317
and when push comes to shove,
nobody wants to pony up.

901
00:59:35,064 --> 00:59:37,328
- What's wrong with you?
- I didn't say anything.

902
00:59:37,366 --> 00:59:39,061
- I know.
- What am I supposed to say?

903
00:59:39,101 --> 00:59:42,070
- It's weird. You're acting weird.
- I'm not acting weird. I'm acting...

904
00:59:42,104 --> 00:59:44,436
Tonight I'm having a date
with my friend Jack,

905
00:59:44,473 --> 00:59:46,065
if anybody wants to join me.

906
00:59:46,108 --> 00:59:48,736
Donna, where are you going?

907
00:59:48,777 --> 00:59:50,972
I'm going to your mom's house.

908
00:59:51,013 --> 00:59:52,241
You're going to my mom's?

909
00:59:52,281 --> 00:59:54,340
Yeah, well, she picked up
my phone calls.

910
00:59:54,383 --> 00:59:56,283
Wait,
did I miss something?

911
00:59:56,318 --> 00:59:59,845
My parents are getting divorced,
but things happen.

912
00:59:59,889 --> 01:00:02,687
Divorced? Since when?

913
01:00:02,725 --> 01:00:07,355
Since my father started cheating
on my mom with her friend.

914
01:00:07,396 --> 01:00:09,921
- My God.
- See you.

915
01:00:09,965 --> 01:00:11,990
Donna, if you're going
to my mom's house,

916
01:00:12,034 --> 01:00:14,628
- we're all going to my mom's house.
- We're all going?

917
01:00:14,670 --> 01:00:16,900
Oh, like you have
something better to do?

918
01:00:16,939 --> 01:00:19,339
I, on the other hand...
I have a date with a woman.

919
01:00:19,375 --> 01:00:21,240
She's a lesbian.

920
01:00:21,277 --> 01:00:22,801
Ugh.

921
01:00:22,845 --> 01:00:26,144
We're gonna have hot lesbo sex
all night long.

922
01:00:35,124 --> 01:00:37,115
Would you rather lick
a public toilet seat

923
01:00:37,159 --> 01:00:39,525
or chew gum from the floor
of the New York City subway?

924
01:00:39,561 --> 01:00:41,893
Gum. You know what?
No matter how disgusting it is,

925
01:00:41,931 --> 01:00:44,229
- it's better than a toilet.
- By the way,

926
01:00:44,266 --> 01:00:46,063
how were the toilets
in prison, Axle?

927
01:00:46,101 --> 01:00:48,501
Not very good,
kind of like your last album.

928
01:00:48,537 --> 01:00:50,528
Okay,

929
01:00:50,572 --> 01:00:54,008
you see some unsightly Porta Potties
in my line of work, okay?

930
01:00:54,043 --> 01:00:56,671
So I would chew that subway floor gum
all day, every day.

931
01:00:56,712 --> 01:00:58,703
How do you call this a game?

932
01:00:58,747 --> 01:01:01,910
Monopoly, Scrabble... those are games.
This... this is disgusting.

933
01:01:01,951 --> 01:01:03,942
- Hey.
- Hey.

934
01:01:03,986 --> 01:01:05,977
- This is my friend Steak.
- Hi.

935
01:01:06,021 --> 01:01:09,354
- What's up?
- Steak, a chicken wing?

936
01:01:09,391 --> 01:01:11,416
Nah, dude, I'm a vegetarian.

937
01:01:11,460 --> 01:01:13,860
Really? How is that
gonna work out

938
01:01:13,896 --> 01:01:16,262
since Phoebe likes your meat?

939
01:01:16,298 --> 01:01:19,699
There's other things I like to eat
besides meat.

940
01:01:21,804 --> 01:01:25,740
Would you rather spend
30 years

941
01:01:25,774 --> 01:01:27,799
happily married
to the love of your life

942
01:01:27,843 --> 01:01:30,471
only to find out that he's been
cheating on you the whole time,

943
01:01:30,512 --> 01:01:34,448
or spend 20 years taking care
of your deadbeat husband

944
01:01:34,483 --> 01:01:36,474
who finally hits the big time

945
01:01:36,518 --> 01:01:38,713
only to emotionally abandon
you and your daughter?

946
01:01:42,391 --> 01:01:44,723
I'll talk to her.

947
01:01:46,128 --> 01:01:47,789
- Awkward.
- All right.

948
01:01:47,830 --> 01:01:49,320
I thought this was
supposed to be a party.

949
01:02:00,642 --> 01:02:02,940
How could he do this to me?

950
01:02:04,546 --> 01:02:07,014
Donna, I think in the moment
he wasn't doing it to anybody.

951
01:02:07,049 --> 01:02:09,381
I think he was doing it
for himself.

952
01:02:11,053 --> 01:02:13,954
I don't care.
When you decide to start a family,

953
01:02:13,989 --> 01:02:16,184
you make a commitment to them.

954
01:02:16,225 --> 01:02:19,490
You don't turn your back
on the people who love you.

955
01:02:22,464 --> 01:02:25,956
Fathers are human too.

956
01:02:26,001 --> 01:02:28,469
You know, you put
a piece of cake in front of us,

957
01:02:28,504 --> 01:02:31,337
and that's all we can see.
Family, children... what?

958
01:02:31,373 --> 01:02:34,035
No, we forget everything.
We get tunnel vision.

959
01:02:34,076 --> 01:02:36,806
But you never cheated
on Lorraine.

960
01:02:36,845 --> 01:02:39,871
No, I didn't.

961
01:02:39,915 --> 01:02:41,974
I left her for my job.

962
01:02:44,420 --> 01:02:46,786
I'm just so angry at him.

963
01:02:50,526 --> 01:02:52,892
Yeah, there's a lot of anger
in the air.

964
01:02:56,965 --> 01:02:59,297
Think it does any good?

965
01:03:36,171 --> 01:03:39,834
Phoebe, you know,
are you and my dad friends

966
01:03:39,875 --> 01:03:42,537
or what's... what's the deal?

967
01:03:42,578 --> 01:03:45,445
No. I mean, he helped me get
my guitar back from Eddie...

968
01:03:45,481 --> 01:03:48,780
you know, my game...
and that's it.

969
01:03:48,817 --> 01:03:50,842
Wait, he met Eddie?

970
01:03:50,886 --> 01:03:53,878
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't call it
a formal "Hi, how are you doing?"

971
01:03:53,922 --> 01:03:56,220
But he did crack Eddie
in the nads for me

972
01:03:56,258 --> 01:03:58,249
from behind, like mm!

973
01:03:58,293 --> 01:04:00,989
You know, I think your dad's
pretty great, Claire.

974
01:04:02,965 --> 01:04:05,456
What makes him so great?

975
01:04:05,501 --> 01:04:09,369
He just made me realize
that my father isn't perfect

976
01:04:09,404 --> 01:04:11,429
and I need to accept that.

977
01:04:15,544 --> 01:04:19,173
No, Daddy, don't leave.
I'm afraid of the dark.

978
01:04:19,214 --> 01:04:21,774
Okay, honey. Okay.

979
01:04:21,817 --> 01:04:24,251
I'll stay for just a bit, okay?

980
01:04:26,021 --> 01:04:28,251
How's that?

981
01:04:28,290 --> 01:04:30,451
Shh, it's okay.

982
01:04:31,460 --> 01:04:33,928
You can watch the steam.

983
01:04:37,733 --> 01:04:39,997
Look at that.

984
01:04:40,035 --> 01:04:42,731
We can make animals.

985
01:04:42,771 --> 01:04:44,762
Shh, it's okay.

986
01:05:03,158 --> 01:05:06,650
Does my heart good,
makes me feel young, you know?

987
01:05:06,695 --> 01:05:08,686
I tell you, my mind's sharp.

988
01:05:08,730 --> 01:05:11,062
As a matter of fact, I don't know

989
01:05:11,099 --> 01:05:14,000
if they could really run this place
around here if it weren't for me.

990
01:05:14,036 --> 01:05:16,027
Hello, Sam.

991
01:05:16,071 --> 01:05:17,561
You brought my check, right?

992
01:05:17,606 --> 01:05:19,130
Of course I did.

993
01:05:19,174 --> 01:05:22,166
I had to go into my own pocket
on this thing.

994
01:05:22,211 --> 01:05:25,612
You won't believe
how many watches,

995
01:05:25,647 --> 01:05:28,878
MP3 players and video games
I tore apart

996
01:05:28,917 --> 01:05:31,147
before I figured this sucker out,

997
01:05:31,186 --> 01:05:33,814
not to mention carving
the faceplate.

998
01:05:33,855 --> 01:05:35,846
I cut that son of a bitch

999
01:05:35,891 --> 01:05:38,257
out of medium-density foam.

1000
01:05:38,293 --> 01:05:41,319
Well, you know, I don't have
any more money. $5000 is all I have.

1001
01:05:41,363 --> 01:05:43,923
Don't worry about it.
It was my pleasure.

1002
01:05:43,966 --> 01:05:46,127
I haven't felt this useful
in years.

1003
01:05:48,203 --> 01:05:49,830
There it is.

1004
01:05:49,871 --> 01:05:52,897
Now the speaker is in the ear.

1005
01:05:52,941 --> 01:05:55,535
The camera is in the nose.

1006
01:05:55,577 --> 01:05:57,568
The gaming wheel
goes in the wristband

1007
01:05:57,613 --> 01:05:59,604
for optimal gaming control.

1008
01:06:02,484 --> 01:06:05,510
Oh, Sam, this is awesome.

1009
01:06:07,256 --> 01:06:09,850
- And what is that?
- That's a built-in compass.

1010
01:06:09,891 --> 01:06:13,122
- Do kids still use compasses?
- They did in my day.

1011
01:06:13,161 --> 01:06:15,493
I just thought
with the wireless child leash

1012
01:06:15,530 --> 01:06:17,930
we wouldn't need a compass.

1013
01:06:17,966 --> 01:06:20,434
A wireless child leash?

1014
01:06:20,469 --> 01:06:22,767
That's a good idea.

1015
01:06:25,540 --> 01:06:27,531
The kid wanders off...

1016
01:06:27,576 --> 01:06:30,511
the parent feels a buzz
or something, huh?

1017
01:06:30,545 --> 01:06:32,274
You're kidding, right?

1018
01:06:32,314 --> 01:06:34,874
No, I'm not kidding.
That's a great idea.

1019
01:06:34,916 --> 01:06:36,406
Sam.

1020
01:06:36,451 --> 01:06:38,851
I did good, right?

1021
01:06:40,422 --> 01:06:42,413
I did good.

1022
01:06:44,526 --> 01:06:46,619
Sam, you did great.

1023
01:07:08,083 --> 01:07:10,415
How are you holding up, Troy?

1024
01:07:10,452 --> 01:07:13,751
I have four titanium rods
in my tibia.

1025
01:07:13,789 --> 01:07:15,313
How do you think?

1026
01:07:16,358 --> 01:07:20,454
I'm sitting on another
great idea, Troy.

1027
01:07:20,495 --> 01:07:22,520
Congratulations.

1028
01:07:22,564 --> 01:07:24,589
Yeah, but I can't do it alone
this time.

1029
01:07:24,633 --> 01:07:25,998
I need a partner.

1030
01:07:29,071 --> 01:07:31,596
I make $32,700 a year.

1031
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:34,336
I drive a Toyota Scion loaded.

1032
01:07:34,376 --> 01:07:36,105
You're barking up
the wrong tree, Axle.

1033
01:07:36,144 --> 01:07:38,806
I just need you to come with me
to one meeting.

1034
01:07:40,449 --> 01:07:42,280
- When?
- Tomorrow morning?

1035
01:07:42,317 --> 01:07:44,683
Oh, tomorrow morning?
Thanks for the notice.

1036
01:07:44,720 --> 01:07:46,312
Look, I was gonna go
on my own,

1037
01:07:46,355 --> 01:07:49,085
but now that the prototype doesn't work,
it makes no sense for me to go...

1038
01:07:49,124 --> 01:07:51,957
What's the point of the prototype
if it doesn't work?

1039
01:07:51,993 --> 01:07:54,427
Troy, no one is going to
buy a product

1040
01:07:54,463 --> 01:07:57,489
from a guy who cuts
people's fingers off.

1041
01:07:57,532 --> 01:08:02,128
But Troy Coangelo...
that's a different story.

1042
01:08:06,475 --> 01:08:07,806
No can do.

1043
01:08:07,843 --> 01:08:10,107
Come on, just help me
on this one, please.

1044
01:08:10,145 --> 01:08:12,670
I'm on from 7:00 to 7:00 tomorrow.

1045
01:08:12,714 --> 01:08:15,080
What difference does that make?
So Family Mart goes without

1046
01:08:15,117 --> 01:08:17,915
an assistant GM for a couple of hours.
What's the worst that can happen?

1047
01:08:17,953 --> 01:08:19,511
- A lot.
- Oh, come on.

1048
01:08:19,554 --> 01:08:21,146
- A lot can happen.
- Come on.

1049
01:08:21,189 --> 01:08:24,625
If you don't let go of this obsession
you have with Family Mart, Troy,

1050
01:08:24,659 --> 01:08:26,820
no one is gonna ever
take you seriously.

1051
01:08:26,862 --> 01:08:28,796
Hmm.

1052
01:08:28,830 --> 01:08:31,697
Haven't you ruined
enough people's lives?

1053
01:08:55,290 --> 01:08:57,315
Hey.

1054
01:08:58,360 --> 01:09:00,794
Hi.

1055
01:09:00,829 --> 01:09:05,528
It might be a little snug,
but I think we can make it work.

1056
01:09:08,670 --> 01:09:10,661
That's for me?

1057
01:09:10,705 --> 01:09:12,730
Here, try it on.

1058
01:09:19,648 --> 01:09:21,673
Let me see.

1059
01:09:24,553 --> 01:09:27,215
Yeah, it's a little snug.
Let me fix it.

1060
01:09:30,258 --> 01:09:32,886
Is this like the pink coat
or you really want me to...?

1061
01:09:32,928 --> 01:09:35,328
I want you to look great.

1062
01:09:41,336 --> 01:09:44,032
Okay, let me finish it.

1063
01:09:57,786 --> 01:09:59,811
Why are you doing this?

1064
01:10:02,491 --> 01:10:05,392
I was the one
that believed in you,

1065
01:10:05,427 --> 01:10:08,157
not Mom.

1066
01:10:08,196 --> 01:10:10,528
It was me.

1067
01:10:14,002 --> 01:10:16,436
And I still believe in you.

1068
01:10:23,478 --> 01:10:26,379
Um, I'm not really a hugger.

1069
01:10:27,382 --> 01:10:29,373
Okay.

1070
01:10:43,565 --> 01:10:45,157
Jesus, Troy.

1071
01:10:46,468 --> 01:10:48,459
I blew my knee out
on their nickel.

1072
01:10:55,677 --> 01:10:59,204
Not a card,
not a "Hey, Troy, how's your leg?"

1073
01:10:59,247 --> 01:11:02,273
I've been assistant GM for three years
and you know what?

1074
01:11:02,317 --> 01:11:04,285
There's no GM.
I'm the guy.

1075
01:11:04,319 --> 01:11:06,514
They just don't want to give me
the title and have to shell out

1076
01:11:06,555 --> 01:11:08,648
an extra $1631 a year.

1077
01:11:08,690 --> 01:11:10,749
Where are you going
with this, Troy?

1078
01:11:10,792 --> 01:11:12,316
- Shame on you.
- Shame on me?

1079
01:11:12,360 --> 01:11:14,225
Not you... Family Mart.

1080
01:11:14,262 --> 01:11:16,423
I'm confused.
Are you gonna help me out or not?

1081
01:11:16,464 --> 01:11:18,830
Oh, I'm gonna help you,
but it's not for the money,

1082
01:11:18,867 --> 01:11:21,062
it's not for the ladies
and it's not for the bling.

1083
01:11:21,102 --> 01:11:22,626
This is for principle.

1084
01:11:22,671 --> 01:11:24,935
How many painkillers
have you had?

1085
01:11:24,973 --> 01:11:26,804
One.

1086
01:11:26,841 --> 01:11:29,901
Well, I may have had
an extra Xanax or two.

1087
01:11:29,945 --> 01:11:34,109
I just get really nervous in meetings,
especially big ones.

1088
01:11:34,149 --> 01:11:37,118
Okay, I'm gonna put my bike in the back
and I'll drive, okay?

1089
01:11:52,067 --> 01:11:54,126
- Can I help you?
- Troy.

1090
01:11:54,169 --> 01:11:56,160
Hmm?

1091
01:11:56,204 --> 01:11:58,900
- Hi. We're here to meet Mike James.
- Matt James.

1092
01:11:58,940 --> 01:12:00,703
Matt James.

1093
01:12:00,742 --> 01:12:02,710
Aren't you Robert Axle?

1094
01:12:02,744 --> 01:12:04,405
This is my partner
Troy Coangelo.

1095
01:12:04,446 --> 01:12:06,778
I think you spoke to him on the phone
and set up the appointment.

1096
01:12:06,815 --> 01:12:08,680
I sure did.
I made an appointment with Troy.

1097
01:12:08,717 --> 01:12:10,844
I did not make an appointment
with Robert Axle.

1098
01:12:10,885 --> 01:12:12,853
We're partners.
What difference does that make?

1099
01:12:12,887 --> 01:12:15,151
The difference is that I had
no idea that you were coming.

1100
01:12:15,190 --> 01:12:17,886
I'm sorry,
is there some problem?

1101
01:12:17,926 --> 01:12:21,089
Robert Axle. Wow.

1102
01:12:22,564 --> 01:12:24,225
Come on in.

1103
01:12:24,265 --> 01:12:26,426
- It's good to meet you guys.
- Great to meet you, Matt.

1104
01:12:26,468 --> 01:12:30,131
Troy Coangelo. Where did you get that
receptionist? She's really on the ball.

1105
01:12:30,171 --> 01:12:32,264
Oh yeah, Sheila?
She's amazing.

1106
01:12:32,307 --> 01:12:34,571
Yeah, you don't want your receptionist
being too hot...

1107
01:12:34,609 --> 01:12:36,577
makes things complicated.

1108
01:12:36,611 --> 01:12:37,805
She's my wife.

1109
01:12:40,448 --> 01:12:42,939
Hey, Sheila, would you be a doll
and get me a diet soda?

1110
01:12:42,984 --> 01:12:45,612
Yeah, I'll get right on that.

1111
01:12:48,857 --> 01:12:52,657
Ta-dah!
Presenting the Watchdawg.

1112
01:12:52,694 --> 01:12:54,355
Wow, that is awesome.

1113
01:12:54,396 --> 01:12:56,387
This thing plays MP3s,

1114
01:12:56,431 --> 01:12:58,592
music videos,
also takes photographs,

1115
01:12:58,633 --> 01:13:00,624
but here's the most unique
thing about it...

1116
01:13:00,669 --> 01:13:02,330
It's also a wireless child leash.

1117
01:13:02,370 --> 01:13:05,828
- Does the prototype work?
- Does a bear shit in the woods, Sheila?

1118
01:13:05,874 --> 01:13:07,933
Send it a test to

1119
01:13:07,976 --> 01:13:11,173
watchtest@watchdog.org.

1120
01:13:11,212 --> 01:13:12,577
Let him hear the music.

1121
01:13:12,614 --> 01:13:15,549
Actually I think I might have
forgotten to load the music, Troy.

1122
01:13:15,583 --> 01:13:17,107
Email just bounced back.

1123
01:13:17,152 --> 01:13:20,781
We're not gonna lie to you,
the prototype is a little shaky.

1124
01:13:20,822 --> 01:13:23,052
Look, I'm not gonna say
that this is in perfect shape,

1125
01:13:23,091 --> 01:13:26,652
but this can be improved upon.
It is a great idea and l...

1126
01:13:26,695 --> 01:13:30,028
I don't know how to tell you this,
but honesty is the best policy here.

1127
01:13:30,065 --> 01:13:31,965
I met with Steven Leslie
two days ago.

1128
01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:34,434
He pitched something
practically identical to that.

1129
01:13:34,469 --> 01:13:36,801
He's coming out with it.
It's called Watch Pal...

1130
01:13:36,838 --> 01:13:39,864
fast-tracking it,
wants it in play for the holiday season,

1131
01:13:39,908 --> 01:13:41,398
wants us to co-finance.

1132
01:13:41,443 --> 01:13:42,967
I met him a few days
before you did.

1133
01:13:43,011 --> 01:13:44,535
I pitched him this
and he turned it down.

1134
01:13:44,579 --> 01:13:46,672
I'm sorry to hear that.

1135
01:13:51,986 --> 01:13:55,149
You know why Family Mart
is the fourth-largest

1136
01:13:55,190 --> 01:13:58,216
discount consumer products
retailer in the nation?

1137
01:13:58,259 --> 01:13:59,920
No, I do not.

1138
01:13:59,961 --> 01:14:02,987
Because it's not Target
and it's not Kmart

1139
01:14:03,031 --> 01:14:05,465
and it sure as hell
not Walmart.

1140
01:14:05,500 --> 01:14:07,934
It's Family Mart...

1141
01:14:07,969 --> 01:14:09,766
the copycat,

1142
01:14:09,804 --> 01:14:13,467
the poser, the wannabe.

1143
01:14:13,508 --> 01:14:15,567
So if you want to invest

1144
01:14:15,610 --> 01:14:17,669
in the Family Mart version
of Watchdawg,

1145
01:14:17,712 --> 01:14:21,273
be my freakin' guest.

1146
01:14:30,358 --> 01:14:33,088
Oh, in case anybody
was wondering

1147
01:14:33,128 --> 01:14:35,187
who might have gotten
a six-figure advance

1148
01:14:35,230 --> 01:14:38,393
for the invention of a brand-new
groundbreaking fabrication,

1149
01:14:38,433 --> 01:14:40,799
that would be me... Robert Axle.

1150
01:14:40,835 --> 01:14:42,996
Yes, the same Robert Axle

1151
01:14:43,037 --> 01:14:46,200
who went to prison for eight years,
but now...

1152
01:14:47,609 --> 01:14:50,237
did I mention
the six-figure advance?

1153
01:14:50,278 --> 01:14:53,941
Anyway, I'm back.
Things are looking better than ever.

1154
01:14:53,982 --> 01:14:55,916
Of course I'm gonna have to share
some of that money

1155
01:14:55,950 --> 01:14:57,815
with my new partner
Troy Coangelo.

1156
01:14:57,852 --> 01:15:00,787
Somebody stole
Donna's identity.

1157
01:15:00,822 --> 01:15:04,656
Yeah, and then they racked up
a credit card bill for $5000.

1158
01:15:04,692 --> 01:15:07,820
Yeah, and then had the card sent to
a mailbox place right around the corner.

1159
01:15:13,101 --> 01:15:15,831
Look, girls,

1160
01:15:15,870 --> 01:15:18,134
this is not a problem,
all right?

1161
01:15:18,173 --> 01:15:22,633
I've got a check in my pocket
for $125,000.

1162
01:15:22,677 --> 01:15:26,374
Let's not let a $5000 check
get us upset, all right?

1163
01:15:26,414 --> 01:15:30,043
I'm gonna pay off that credit card
before the first bill comes in.

1164
01:15:30,084 --> 01:15:33,281
You are a liar and you are a fake
and you are a phony.

1165
01:15:33,321 --> 01:15:35,983
I was rooting for you
this whole time

1166
01:15:36,024 --> 01:15:37,582
and you steal from me?

1167
01:15:37,625 --> 01:15:39,855
No, I didn't steal from you.
I borrowed from you.

1168
01:15:39,894 --> 01:15:42,624
Claire, don't let them do this,
all right? Listen to me. Trust me.

1169
01:15:42,664 --> 01:15:44,131
I did trust you.

1170
01:15:44,165 --> 01:15:47,032
Look, baby, you want to fund
your center?

1171
01:15:47,068 --> 01:15:50,367
Give me six months. We'll have
enough money to fund 10 centers.

1172
01:15:50,405 --> 01:15:52,270
There's no we.
There's no we.

1173
01:15:52,307 --> 01:15:54,798
It's only you.
It's always been only you.

1174
01:15:57,011 --> 01:16:00,674
I give you five minutes
to get the hell out of here

1175
01:16:00,715 --> 01:16:02,740
or I'm calling the police.

1176
01:17:14,389 --> 01:17:16,914
There's just that sense
of security that you have

1177
01:17:16,958 --> 01:17:19,483
when you're wearing Watch Pal.

1178
01:17:19,527 --> 01:17:21,961
I mean, what do kids love?
A pal, a friend.

1179
01:17:21,996 --> 01:17:24,260
I mean, this is the product
that a kid can say,

1180
01:17:24,299 --> 01:17:26,733
"Hey, this is my pal.
I have my pal with me."

1181
01:17:26,768 --> 01:17:29,828
Please tell me this is
gonna be okay, Axle.

1182
01:17:29,871 --> 01:17:31,862
- We're gonna be fine.
- We're gonna be fine?

1183
01:17:31,906 --> 01:17:33,931
I don't know if you noticed,
but it's the same price.

1184
01:17:33,975 --> 01:17:36,466
He has got more games, and to be honest,
it looks a hell of a lot cooler.

1185
01:17:36,511 --> 01:17:38,604
- None of that matters.
- Kids love robots.

1186
01:17:38,646 --> 01:17:41,615
- They don't have compasses.
- Kids don't use compasses.

1187
01:17:41,649 --> 01:17:43,412
Maybe they need to.

1188
01:17:43,451 --> 01:17:46,614
- Maybe you should shut your mouth.
- Hey, guys, enough.

1189
01:17:48,056 --> 01:17:50,456
Now look, I'll admit
he's got a great product.

1190
01:17:50,491 --> 01:17:53,289
It's futuristic.
It's got a personality.

1191
01:17:53,328 --> 01:17:55,819
That's not making me
feel any better.

1192
01:17:55,863 --> 01:17:57,797
But what he doesn't have is me,

1193
01:17:57,832 --> 01:18:02,201
the first invention from Robert Axle
since the one that maimed 3000 people.

1194
01:18:02,236 --> 01:18:05,228
Nobody has more to prove.
Nobody's got more eyes on them.

1195
01:18:05,273 --> 01:18:08,265
An invention? I thought
we were calling them fabrications.

1196
01:18:08,309 --> 01:18:09,640
We're gonna get rid of that word,

1197
01:18:09,677 --> 01:18:11,076
'cause that word
is just tripping people up.

1198
01:18:11,112 --> 01:18:13,842
Let's call it an invention.
Call it whatever people need to call it

1199
01:18:13,881 --> 01:18:15,712
to know that this is the answer,

1200
01:18:15,750 --> 01:18:18,844
that this is what one of the most
prolific inventors in modern history

1201
01:18:18,886 --> 01:18:20,649
has been thinking about
for the past decade...

1202
01:18:20,688 --> 01:18:22,622
an idea with so much promise,

1203
01:18:22,657 --> 01:18:25,421
that's gonna so profoundly
impact child safety

1204
01:18:25,460 --> 01:18:28,156
that everyone's gonna forget
about all their missing fingers.

1205
01:18:28,196 --> 01:18:29,686
- Write that down.
- Write what down?

1206
01:18:29,731 --> 01:18:32,131
What he just said. It's important.
Before we forget, write it down.

1207
01:18:32,166 --> 01:18:34,600
- Isn't that Sheila's job?
- Write it down.

1208
01:18:36,704 --> 01:18:38,968
No, whoa whoa,
don't write on that.

1209
01:18:39,007 --> 01:18:42,602
- Okay. What is it?
- It's just my good luck charm.

1210
01:18:42,643 --> 01:18:44,543
All right, look... ooh.

1211
01:18:44,579 --> 01:18:46,376
Ow, that hurt.
Knee to the head... not good.

1212
01:18:46,414 --> 01:18:48,507
Look, in life you have to help
your partner.

1213
01:18:48,549 --> 01:18:50,540
Percy, way to get up high.

1214
01:18:50,585 --> 01:18:54,146
Look at Conner Ann, man.
Wow, you guys are doing good.

1215
01:18:54,188 --> 01:18:57,351
Good rope climbing, impressive.

1216
01:18:57,392 --> 01:18:59,952
All right, you're disgusting.
You smell.

1217
01:18:59,994 --> 01:19:01,825
Get the hell out of here.

1218
01:19:01,863 --> 01:19:04,559
Good work. Good job.

1219
01:19:16,477 --> 01:19:18,138
What do you want?

1220
01:19:18,179 --> 01:19:19,806
Could you give this
to Claire for me?

1221
01:19:19,847 --> 01:19:21,337
What is that?

1222
01:19:21,382 --> 01:19:23,646
It's an invitation
to the Watchdawg launch.

1223
01:19:23,684 --> 01:19:25,743
Well, why don't you
give it to her yourself?

1224
01:19:25,787 --> 01:19:27,277
'Cause she won't take it
from me.

1225
01:19:27,321 --> 01:19:30,051
She won't even answer her phone,
return my calls.

1226
01:19:30,091 --> 01:19:32,082
I wonder why.

1227
01:19:32,126 --> 01:19:34,594
Hey, I didn't steal that money,
all right? I was borrowing it.

1228
01:19:34,629 --> 01:19:37,257
I was doing everything I could
to save her business.

1229
01:19:37,298 --> 01:19:39,163
You were trying
to help yourself.

1230
01:19:39,200 --> 01:19:41,293
Well, the two aren't
mutually exclusive.

1231
01:19:41,335 --> 01:19:43,200
What you did is not some sort
of Robin Hood thing.

1232
01:19:43,237 --> 01:19:45,171
I mean, it was selfish.
It was wrong.

1233
01:19:45,206 --> 01:19:48,334
And frankly, it's the same shit you've
been doing to her since she was a kid.

1234
01:19:48,376 --> 01:19:50,367
Look, I'm a father
and I'm not gonna apologize

1235
01:19:50,411 --> 01:19:53,847
for trying to give my daughter
a great life.

1236
01:19:56,417 --> 01:19:59,284
You could have just mailed that.

1237
01:20:00,888 --> 01:20:02,185
What?

1238
01:20:02,223 --> 01:20:04,248
Your stupid invite...
you could have mailed it.

1239
01:20:04,292 --> 01:20:06,692
You didn't have to come here
to launder it through me.

1240
01:20:06,727 --> 01:20:09,491
I mean, this isn't seventh grade.

1241
01:20:09,530 --> 01:20:11,521
Um...

1242
01:20:18,473 --> 01:20:20,134
I wanted to see you.

1243
01:20:20,174 --> 01:20:23,075
It's the tits, right?

1244
01:20:23,111 --> 01:20:24,408
Excuse me?

1245
01:20:24,445 --> 01:20:26,106
Are they too low?

1246
01:20:26,147 --> 01:20:27,910
What are you talking about?

1247
01:20:27,949 --> 01:20:30,247
Well, 'cause, you know,
we kissed a few months ago

1248
01:20:30,284 --> 01:20:32,684
and I thought it was
really good.

1249
01:20:32,720 --> 01:20:34,711
And I don't know
what you thought,

1250
01:20:34,755 --> 01:20:37,724
but you got to my tits
and you shut down.

1251
01:20:37,758 --> 01:20:40,090
Would you stop saying
that word?

1252
01:20:40,128 --> 01:20:42,460
- Tits?
- Yeah.

1253
01:20:42,497 --> 01:20:44,863
Phoebe, I think you're terrific,

1254
01:20:44,899 --> 01:20:47,925
but the tough guy talk...
it just sells you short.

1255
01:20:50,171 --> 01:20:52,571
And I shut down
because you're my daughter's friend.

1256
01:20:58,880 --> 01:21:01,110
And the tits are fine, all right?
They're not too high.

1257
01:21:01,149 --> 01:21:05,085
They're not too low.
They're just right where you want them.

1258
01:21:19,233 --> 01:21:22,100
Can I meet you guys at the table
in one second?

1259
01:21:22,136 --> 01:21:24,661
- Okay, happy birthday. Love you.
- Happy birthday. We'll be right here.

1260
01:21:24,705 --> 01:21:27,230
We've got news.

1261
01:21:27,275 --> 01:21:29,266
Big news.

1262
01:21:29,310 --> 01:21:31,301
You're pregnant?

1263
01:21:31,345 --> 01:21:33,973
No, we're moving to Tampa.

1264
01:21:34,015 --> 01:21:36,210
- Tampa?
- I just want to relax

1265
01:21:36,250 --> 01:21:39,310
enjoying my husband
for a while.

1266
01:21:39,353 --> 01:21:41,514
Wait, what's this really about?

1267
01:21:41,556 --> 01:21:43,547
We got an offer on the house...

1268
01:21:43,591 --> 01:21:46,526
furniture, cars, everything as-is.

1269
01:21:46,561 --> 01:21:48,688
So the only thing left
is your little blue house.

1270
01:21:48,729 --> 01:21:50,720
And with any luck,
we're gonna sell that today.

1271
01:21:50,765 --> 01:21:53,290
- Wait, to who?
- To you.

1272
01:21:53,334 --> 01:21:55,325
The price is $1.

1273
01:21:55,369 --> 01:21:57,963
Make the check payable
to Jerry King.

1274
01:22:00,474 --> 01:22:03,773
Guys, this is really
not necessary.

1275
01:22:05,313 --> 01:22:08,646
Sweetie, I think it's adorable
that you're working in a coffee shop,

1276
01:22:08,683 --> 01:22:11,982
but you had a career,
and a good one.

1277
01:22:12,019 --> 01:22:14,544
I will get back
to saving the world at some point,

1278
01:22:14,589 --> 01:22:17,183
but right now
I just need a break.

1279
01:22:17,225 --> 01:22:20,251
This is not a break.
This is a cop-out.

1280
01:22:21,429 --> 01:22:23,420
Claire, your mother loves you.

1281
01:22:23,464 --> 01:22:26,262
She just doesn't want to see you make
the same mistake she did.

1282
01:22:26,300 --> 01:22:29,497
Letting Robert Axle ruin her life?

1283
01:22:29,537 --> 01:22:31,937
Not forgiving him.

1284
01:22:38,546 --> 01:22:40,571
I'd better go back to work.

1285
01:22:53,127 --> 01:22:55,960
G54.

1286
01:22:57,698 --> 01:23:00,690
- L26.
- Oh, this is for you.

1287
01:23:00,735 --> 01:23:02,896
It's from your dad.
He came by my school.

1288
01:23:02,937 --> 01:23:05,064
You still talk to my dad?

1289
01:23:05,106 --> 01:23:07,870
G49.

1290
01:23:11,012 --> 01:23:12,377
I kissed him, okay?

1291
01:23:12,413 --> 01:23:14,074
You kissed him?

1292
01:23:14,115 --> 01:23:16,140
I'm sorry.
I really feel like crap. I just...

1293
01:23:16,183 --> 01:23:18,481
- You should feel like crap.
- Donna, you're not helping.

1294
01:23:18,519 --> 01:23:21,215
I'm not trying to help. After everything
he's done, she's being nice to him?

1295
01:23:21,255 --> 01:23:23,382
O61.

1296
01:23:24,925 --> 01:23:27,359
It's just that he makes me feel,

1297
01:23:27,395 --> 01:23:31,092
like, funnier than I thought I was
and less hideous.

1298
01:23:31,132 --> 01:23:33,123
B5.

1299
01:23:33,167 --> 01:23:35,465
I don't know, it just felt good
not to be pissed off.

1300
01:23:35,503 --> 01:23:36,765
I'm sorry.

1301
01:23:36,804 --> 01:23:39,432
Bingo!
I got bingo.

1302
01:23:40,441 --> 01:23:41,669
Bingo.

1303
01:23:41,709 --> 01:23:44,337
What's next
for one of the most prolific

1304
01:23:44,378 --> 01:23:48,109
and unpredictable inventors
in modern history?

1305
01:23:48,149 --> 01:23:51,243
In the room today,
financial movers and shakers,

1306
01:23:51,285 --> 01:23:53,981
also the tech-savvy
parents and kids

1307
01:23:54,021 --> 01:23:56,251
who are just excited
to see this latest invention.

1308
01:23:56,290 --> 01:23:58,656
Did I tell you
we're having a boy?

1309
01:23:59,860 --> 01:24:01,725
No, Matt, you didn't.
Congratulations.

1310
01:24:01,762 --> 01:24:03,525
Thank you.
I really wanted a boy.

1311
01:24:03,564 --> 01:24:07,591
You know, Matt, I haven't said it.
I really ought to before I go out there.

1312
01:24:07,635 --> 01:24:10,035
Not a lot of people would have
taken a second chance on me.

1313
01:24:10,071 --> 01:24:12,062
It means a lot to me.
Thank you so much.

1314
01:24:12,106 --> 01:24:14,131
I won't let you down.

1315
01:24:14,175 --> 01:24:16,905
Axle, I didn't take
a second chance on you

1316
01:24:16,944 --> 01:24:19,412
'cause I'm a good guy.

1317
01:24:19,447 --> 01:24:21,176
I did it because
I honestly believe

1318
01:24:21,215 --> 01:24:24,048
that you're gonna make me
one of the richest men in the world.

1319
01:24:28,723 --> 01:24:31,021
Sorry I'm late.
Hey, Sheila.

1320
01:24:31,058 --> 01:24:32,685
The traffic was brutal.

1321
01:24:32,727 --> 01:24:36,288
I had to go back by the office
and pick up your lucky picture.

1322
01:24:49,777 --> 01:24:53,770
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Mr. Robert Axle.

1323
01:25:06,961 --> 01:25:09,156
Thank you very much.
Good afternoon.

1324
01:25:11,265 --> 01:25:13,631
From the moment
they are conceived,

1325
01:25:13,667 --> 01:25:15,692
our greatest fear as parents

1326
01:25:15,736 --> 01:25:18,136
is losing our child.

1327
01:25:18,172 --> 01:25:20,333
We do everything we can
to keep them near us

1328
01:25:20,374 --> 01:25:22,001
and keep them safe.

1329
01:25:27,982 --> 01:25:30,746
But sometimes they slip away.

1330
01:25:30,785 --> 01:25:34,653
It can happen in shopping malls,

1331
01:25:34,688 --> 01:25:37,054
airports.

1332
01:25:46,634 --> 01:25:50,035
You know, the...

1333
01:25:50,070 --> 01:25:53,335
the truth is
it's not always the kids that get lost.

1334
01:25:57,144 --> 01:25:59,510
Sometimes it's us...

1335
01:25:59,547 --> 01:26:03,313
the grown-ups, the parent.

1336
01:26:03,350 --> 01:26:07,343
And that's certainly true for me.

1337
01:26:08,355 --> 01:26:10,983
You see, I was convicted

1338
01:26:11,025 --> 01:26:13,289
of gross negligence
because of a product.

1339
01:26:13,327 --> 01:26:14,919
I mean, you all know that.

1340
01:26:17,064 --> 01:26:21,000
But what I'm really guilty of

1341
01:26:21,035 --> 01:26:24,334
is gross negligence
as a father.

1342
01:26:26,740 --> 01:26:28,435
And so here I am

1343
01:26:28,476 --> 01:26:32,606
giving you another
Robert Axle fabrication,

1344
01:26:32,646 --> 01:26:35,137
which is the last thing
I should be doing.

1345
01:26:35,182 --> 01:26:38,083
I mean, don't get me wrong.

1346
01:26:38,118 --> 01:26:40,416
Watchdawg is a good product.

1347
01:26:40,454 --> 01:26:43,912
It serves a purpose.
I'm sure a lot of people will enjoy it.

1348
01:26:46,026 --> 01:26:48,494
But it's a Band-Aid.

1349
01:26:50,798 --> 01:26:54,632
It's not gonna solve
the disconnect I have with my daughter

1350
01:26:54,668 --> 01:26:57,432
or the disconnect that any of us
have with our kids.

1351
01:26:57,471 --> 01:27:00,702
I mean, do we really need
another toy

1352
01:27:00,741 --> 01:27:02,834
to keep our kids distracted

1353
01:27:02,877 --> 01:27:06,335
so that we can feel free
to take our eye off the ball?

1354
01:27:12,853 --> 01:27:15,651
We have to learn
to connect to our kids

1355
01:27:15,689 --> 01:27:18,749
without the need for this

1356
01:27:18,792 --> 01:27:21,283
or the thousands
of other gadgets that we use

1357
01:27:21,328 --> 01:27:25,196
to distract ourselves from being
the best parent we can be.

1358
01:27:29,970 --> 01:27:32,461
'Cause this...

1359
01:27:36,210 --> 01:27:38,838
this isn't the answer
for me anymore.

1360
01:28:13,180 --> 01:28:16,980
Sorry I missed your birthday.
How was it?

1361
01:28:17,017 --> 01:28:18,507
Good.

1362
01:28:18,552 --> 01:28:21,214
But I'm not
much of a birthday girl.

1363
01:28:21,255 --> 01:28:24,782
I see. I keep learning new things
about Claire Elizabeth every day...

1364
01:28:24,825 --> 01:28:26,816
not much of a birthday girl.

1365
01:28:26,860 --> 01:28:28,851
It's Claire Axle.

1366
01:28:28,896 --> 01:28:32,491
I'm kind of over the whole
Claire Elizabeth thing.

1367
01:28:35,202 --> 01:28:37,534
I'm glad to hear that.

1368
01:28:37,571 --> 01:28:39,334
Axle!

1369
01:28:46,380 --> 01:28:49,315
You gotta get back there, man.
Matt's going out of his mind.

1370
01:28:49,350 --> 01:28:50,874
Why? Does he want to sue me?

1371
01:28:50,918 --> 01:28:52,647
Sue you?
He wants to back you.

1372
01:28:52,686 --> 01:28:54,085
Back me for what?

1373
01:28:54,121 --> 01:28:56,646
Ideas, inventions, consulting.
He doesn't care.

1374
01:28:56,690 --> 01:28:59,318
The buyers are going crazy.

1375
01:28:59,360 --> 01:29:01,828
Well, you tell Matt
I appreciate the gesture,

1376
01:29:01,862 --> 01:29:04,854
but I've got to get a job...

1377
01:29:04,898 --> 01:29:06,763
a real job.

1378
01:29:06,800 --> 01:29:10,361
You've got a real job, Dad.

1379
01:29:10,404 --> 01:29:13,339
You're a fabricator.

1380
01:29:20,180 --> 01:29:22,842
Okay, I'm in.
But you tell him

1381
01:29:22,883 --> 01:29:26,182
that at the moment
I'm taking a walk with my daughter.

1382
01:29:26,220 --> 01:29:28,484
So you go back and work that room
for me, partner,

1383
01:29:28,522 --> 01:29:30,513
and I'll join up with you
as soon as I can.

1384
01:29:30,557 --> 01:29:32,548
I'm on it.

1385
01:29:35,029 --> 01:29:36,929
No, you're going b...

1386
01:29:54,415 --> 01:29:57,407
Does that guy Troy
have a girlfriend?

1387
01:29:57,451 --> 01:30:00,386
Are you serious
or are you just trying to freak me out?

1388
01:30:00,421 --> 01:30:02,956
A little of both.